It's still a boundary, don't give your permission if she's going wayward. Saying go enjoy yourself, looks like permission. It seems confusing but both 180 and boundaries are the DB way.
I think the 180 stance is. "I don't agree with this as it against my core beliefs but won't stop you".
The other 180 is to stay calm (not get "mad"), and to say behaviours have consequences. And not to chase whilst she is out.
Plus another 180 is not asking her to ring, waiting is pushing your buttons. Put the phone in the car and leave it there.
The 180 is not to give approval, but to stop trying to control W. So you aren't stopping her. When my WH went out, I didn't say have a great time, I said nothing, but kept a Calendar of every time he did. Then I pointed out it was also inappropriate every night. He said " I don't care" so I said "I know that but it's still a boundary issue for me". On no occasion did I say "go have fun". If he was visiting his grandchildren I did say " enjoy your time with your GDs". It was appropriate.
Plus WH was visiting single women in their homes, not appropriate, nor is wining and dining a single friend with the intention of going wayward. Taking an ex employee with cancer to lunch, ok.
I would not go out all night except to Besties for a girlie night, it's not appropriate for a W to go to the homes of single men. My boundary.
This isn't what you want, it's authentic for you to have a boundary on it. it's authentic for you to say so. It is also appropriate for you to refuse to babysit every time she does this, you have a life, you go GAL, you may not want to stay out all night but you might want concert GAL, good mate GAL, etc and that's appropriate for you.
You don't have to tell her to enjoy her potential waywardness!
Last edited by Vanilla; 08/16/1502:42 PM.
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
