SHe knows that I don't like her going out all night (from several previous fights throughout our marriage) and she certainly knows I did not like her staying the night after drinking at the bars all night, especially since she now has said she doesn't love me and wants to separate and she has thought about divorce. I told her to have fun and did the 180 thing. It was not what was in my heart to say that, but I was trying not to be controlling and I had a feeling she was looking for me to get angry and blow up. I ended up leaving with my son before she was done getting ready. Without son's presence, I approached W and said where me and son are going to my friends house for a pool party. I said please call or text me so I know what's going on and don't have to worry. She said ok. I would ask her that before the BD and it was a point of fights before then. She wouldn't make the time to do so, so I was not expecting her to do it last night either. I ended up having fun at friends (on the surface, inside I was having some wandering, negative thoughts, worrYing about who she was with and worrying about where she would be actually sleeping at the end of the night. Worried that the "slumber party" was not with her girlfriends, but with a potential, unknown OM). Got son home at 10pm. Daughter didn't want to go to pool party, so was at neighbors house. I got her and the kids pretty much so had a snack and went to bed. I scanned facebook hoping to see pics of W and girlfriends at bar together. They normally post pics and let everyone know they are at bar having a good time. Social networking bragging. 2am rolls around and no text or phone call from W, bars are closed, no pics or updates on Facebook. I took two of W sleeping pills, which I have never ever taken one before, and crash. Went to bed feeling despair, hopeless, worried, and angry. Just woke up and I did receive a text at 2:45 am. Said "I tried not to look at my phone while I was out. We had fun chatting". I look on facebook and there are three pics of the girlfriends that were posted right after 2am. It is 8:35am here and I have no idea how to feel. Setting boundaries you say... I thought I was supposed to 180? I set boundaries before BD about closing the bars and how I didn't like worrying about her that late at night. This is one of the things I would actually get mad at her about. That is why I had a feeling she was testing me. She expected me to call or text her. I did not. She expected me to be worried that she was going out. I said "have fun". She expected me to be mad that she was having a "slumber party" and I said ok. I feel like either way I am doing the wrong thing. If I tell her not to go, I am being controlling and possessive. And now post BD, she would probably go anyways and lead to more fighting. I don't know what to say to her when she comes home.
