Hi Lonelee, it sounds as though you want to draw this boundary but are doing so in a rather hesitant way. And it sounds as though your H may be able to 'pursuade' you to 'make coffee' if that's what he chooses to do.
I'm more than a year since BD now, and 3 months prior to BD, my H was in an A with OW. If there is one thing I have learned about this whole experience, it is that I never want to live with that whole '3rd person in our M' scenario again. That I don't need in my live. If that means I lose the R, so be it.
What I would love to see in your sitch is a healthy burst of self-respect. If I continue to ML with you, I put my health at risk and I'm not willing to do that. I want and deserve a monogamous R in my life, this isn't it and I don't want to ML in these circumstances.
Please don't think that ML makes it more likely you will 'hold on' to your H. In fact a strong stance and protective boundaries are actually more likely to make him sit up and take notice. But don't draw them for that reason - do them for yourself.
Good luck with whatever you decide :-)
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
