Wife says "NO" and acting like I have no rights

[asitis]

Thanks!

I will do as suggested.

Today for some reason while I was driving for the very first time I literally said to myself that I hated my wife. It came out of no where. I am not sure if there is a progressive stage I am going through but I'm not hurting as bad but now I'm like pissed.

You don't, just her behavior. But getting to a point where she no longer makes you feel longing because you see how she is treating you is great for detachment. You are there. Now, if her use of the kids continues, you very well may come to hate her. Still, try to see that she is suffering & lacks the ability to deal with it and that is making everyone else suffer. Resentment won't help the co-parenting relationship (and the courts will guarantee that), and therefore won't help your kids.

The other day she said "oh I thought you were done being a Dad. What they hell is that? Is she freaken nuts? Who stops being a Dad? I am very close and was extremely involved in my boys lives until they moved and hour and 1/2 away.

You are allowed to throw the truth dart that she was denying the kids & that you want what is best for them, which is access & care from both parents who are working to make their co-parenting R work to minimize their suffering. Try not to make it about what you want. She's in the mindset of zero-sum. If you want it, she wants to deny it to you. You win, she loses. Wrong-headed, but there you are.

Think in terms of wow, that must be hard single parenting the kids non-stop. I'm prepared to do my fair share, and want what's best for the kids. See how that turns it into you considering her needs rather than making it into a pissing match? If she relents and offers time with the kids, ask her if she has ideas to help make the transitions easier on her and them. You are asking her opinion and showing that you respect her thoughts (even if right now you don't, act like you do & she might start trying to live up to those expectations).

I agree that taking the initiative on being involved in their lives in ways that show support and don't wait to be asked. Too often we men sit back and let our W's manage this aspect and give us our marching orders. It isn't fair to the W's & we don't appreciate all they do because we aren't getting a taste of it. You become the pro-active (ugh - I hate that business-speak) dad. See something that needs to be done w/ regard to the kids, take the initiative. Don't wait to be asked. It gets you involved in your kids' lives more. It demonstrates to your W that she isn't in this alone if she ever starts to reconsider. And it demonstrates active involvement on your part to the courts (so keep a record of who does what).

For all the mindf'ing statements, you are now getting what you wanted: back into your kids' lives. Her pride is speaking. She can't handle it, but she's not about to admit that to you. Instead, she's going to make you look like the one who hasn't been able to handle your end. Just let it roll off and take advantage of the ability to be w/ your kids.

And, you handled things very well, not taking her bait.