MLC Funhouse continues

[HaWho]

Thank you Job- started reading ReachingHigher's threads. They are a treasure trove!

Meanwhile I continue to have some interesting conversations with H. The other day we were out with one of our sons. As we waited for him, a group of (very scantily clad pre-teen girls rounded a corner. H commented that he could not believe an adult let them out of the house like that. I said maybe they changed or snuck out like that. Then one of the adult mothers met up with them. So he was right and they were practically naked. I listened and validated but was annoyed simultaneously by the judmental hypocrisy given some of his own MLC behavior/thoughts.

I assume he is trying on masks? If so, I should be thankful for puritanical H as he is a vast improvement over some of the other personalities that have popped in for visits.

But there is still shallow H who has been making many cameo appearances lately. I listen but can't validate too much here. We know a guy who is a good H, nice guy, good father, etc. Normally he wears a hat but he had it off the other day and H was shocked by how old he looked as he was balding. H has full head of hair and joked about how great he looks in comparison. I validated and told him he is handsome, which he is. However, these days I would prefer to see more internal construction taking place. H is vocally obsessed with age lately: noticing who looks old and who doesn't, etc. Hard not to start to feel insecure with all the obsessing. I hope this is not the last stop on the MLC personality bus for him!

This brings me to conversation we had about 2 families we know. The women have "new" men living with them and are no longer married. H has issues with this as his mother did the same and he thinks all these scenarios are bad like his was.

He said he did not understand why these men did not go find women unencumbered by children. I said most women these mens' ages have kids, the pool would be small. So H said they should find young women w/o kids. I said these are 50-55 year old men who don't want more kids so why date a women on the brink of wanting kids? Also, I said these men may want some depth to their relationships. These men already have 25 year old daughters from previous marriages. Very immature thought process.

Anyway, in letter H wrote to me a month ago there were very valid requests in there that I validated and I am making those changes. There were some shallow things in there too that made me cringe. I tried to ignore these and detach here.

Today, out of the blue H asks me to give that letter back to him! He said if kids ever found that letter he would be mortified! I do not blame him as I was mortified to see some of the shallow glimpses myself. But I never shamed him, not when I first read some of the items, and not today. I was so happy that he did not like those parts of the letter. Growth!!!

I told him I would not give the letter back. Cracked a joke that it was my letter now. He said I should burn it. I do my want to. I don't want to hold it over his head. But he has forgotten so much of the crazy things he said that sometimes I begin to doubt my own rendering of things. I want to keep it as proof that I was not crazy in my memories of this time.

Sadly, some of the shallow comments have stuck with me. Some of those criticisms are hard to think of. Aging is tough. I am healthy and in decent shape. But I am not 21 anymore. I went from living in an erudite town on the east coast to this bikini clad beach town in CA. It is a tough place to age gracefully. It is something I am sure all women struggle with.

It's one of the many cases where I wish I could unhear the comments.