WAW and I met for the first time in 4 months today. There have been a few back and forth emails on Woofie, but that's it for contact. Been pretty slim lately.
Gave her a quick hug when she came in and mostly just played with my dog. Was so great to get to see him. I thought she'd just pass me off his stuff and be on her way but she came right in, sat down on my couch and started telling me about her life and our M. Was kind of a shock but I sat, listened, validated and STFU as much as possible.
She gave me a lot of insight into her own situation - she felt like she was swimming upstream work wise in our town, had trouble making deep connections here, but where she worked (an hour away) everything was available and being offered to her without effort. Since I was in survival mode and dealing with addictions so I was considerably checked out, the decision was made to pull the plug and leave.
She also shared something which was interesting to hear - that she was feeling depressed at the end of our M and had made herself a promise at age 8 that she would never let herself get to a place of depression like she had seen in her mother (severe bi-polar). Part of her reason for leaving was also to stave off that impending depression.
In addition, she felt like my issues were only escalating and that nothing would have ever changed. I do admit to this, I needed a big shock like BD to come out of my own addiction fog and change my life, not just white knuckle my issues.
The combo of above was the real impetus behind BD and her move out. I can see it from her perspective, as painful as it still is. I do believe we are both in better places in our lives, although she told me that she missed me and still loved me. I'll take it for what it's worth. She also started crying when she said it.
We agreed after some very open talks about co-parenting Woofie (THANK YOU again Wonka!) and I will have him every two weeks and she will have him for two weeks until "things get to court". I was hoping more for "for the foreseeable future" but we'll take it as a step in the right direction.
One DB blunder I did make was when she told me that I never trusted her and how hard that was for her. I did validate but instead of asking how I could show her that I trusted her, I just took her hand and told her that I really did trust her. I think I negated her feeling as opposed to really honoring it and seeing it as a big issue in our M that she feels still exists.
In my own defense, this was in response to her telling me that our dog was a reincarnation of her old dog, that he was brought into our lives as a gift from the Universe to her, and that he really did have spiritual needs that were better served by living with her. I may have burst out laughing when she said that because I simply couldn't help myself.
The challenge for me is now that I miss her much more despite the above paragraph. I listened to the work she's doing on herself, the path she's on now, and how much it mirrors my own. It truly feels like we're having parallel experiences only 60 miles apart. I believe in my heart that our M could be the greatest place for us both to heal old wounds, and live out our lives with a partner that is seeking the same type of life.
I'm off to the beach for the afternoon with my dog in tow and am happy despite missing my beautiful W.
PP
M 39 W 36 T5 M3 BD - 1/15 Separated - Same Day Served 9/15 D finalized 6/17
