Maybe next b-day, have kid pick out a couple presents that they will open over at your place when they come over to you. And if it is your turn w/ them, offer that to your W. Set a precedent that both parents are included even if the two of you aren't comfortable w/ each other.
The DB force is growing strong with you.
Me: 50 W:43 S6, S3 M: 12 yrs. T: 17 M is bad & Not happy Bomb Mar '14 S 5 Feb '15 D Bomb 13 Apr '15 (but "no hurry") DB Coach May '15 Wants proceed on D Aug '15 Starting 1-on-1 negotiations Sept '15
You did everything right HeavyD, except maybe for popping the balloons first time round, that was funny but you dealt with it with aplomb.
That drive home must have been really hard, but the right place to let those emotions out.
- Nobody has ever learnt anything important from happiness and success; problems make us grow - Consult your plan, not your feelings - If you haven't set goals, how can you expect to achieve anything?
Today is actual s10 birthday. He waited to open his presents until I Was there ( his request). I will be at w apartment to open them and then we go to a cake decorating place.
W keeps asking about about a photo album that I have told her repeatedly I don't have. I honestly do not want to have her baby photo album. I really and truly don't. She also keeps asking for things at the house that I don't have.
When she left she took everything she wanted and that was a year ago now. It makes me feel bad when she keeps asking me for these things but honestly the house is not a her museum. I tossed a lot of stuff after her move, rearranged and tried to reorganize.
I have told her on several occasions that if ther items turn up I will give them to her but I have not seen them. She keeps asking for them. Oh well.
Is it reasonable that she keeps asking for them? I mean she left in such a hurry - 1 day that it was shocking. Should I let her come over and review items she may want? I don't want really want to do that . I mean a year after she split?
I don't want to be an a$$ about this but a year is a long time to want stuff back.
Suggested text - I am sorry but I have not found your baby book. In Have looked for it. I also didn't lovate your baseball bag. If they turn up I will certainly being them to you.
Then this is now a boundary, if she says it again, tell her you will sign a legal declaration about it and you don't need to hear about it again.
WH said these things, " you have my things".
Eventually after one month:
I drafted a witness statement signed it had two witnesses witness my signature. In my covering note I said, "this is last you will hear from me, unless I find something then I will post it back to you". I found one remote for his tv and some spare blades for his electric razor, plus a few receipts in the back of the drawer. I posted them.
There are plenty on the Internet in terms of pro forms
Along the lines of:
" I hereby declare that to the best of my knowledge and belief and having searched in all locations that I do not have possession of any of the belongings of Wh. If I should find any such items then I will return these as soon as practically possible.'
This is my true statement,
Vanilla
Signed in the presence of x and y
If you need help a paralegal can advise.
And no he is not returning to poke his nose in to see what I am doing and new things that I have. Not in every drawer I have. Nor to see if in his words "I have a boyfriend". I don'tand he is no right to know not at all.
I have returned every piece of stuff I can find, even empty packets.
V
Last edited by Vanilla; 08/16/1502:16 PM.
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
Tell him you have many boyfriends V. At least here you do.
HeavyD, reading the way you put your question, you have your own answer. You want it to stop & you aren't comfortable having her snooping around your place. If you've asked her to stop asking and she hasn't, V's solution sounds goo. If you haven't asked her to stop yet, do so, and tell her you will no longer respond to that question as she has her answer. Then don't.
I'm glad S saved opening the presents until you were there. That has to feel especially good. The wisdom & compassion of kids when adults act with neither is one of the delights in parenthood. Enjoy his actual birthday!
Me: 50 W:43 S6, S3 M: 12 yrs. T: 17 M is bad & Not happy Bomb Mar '14 S 5 Feb '15 D Bomb 13 Apr '15 (but "no hurry") DB Coach May '15 Wants proceed on D Aug '15 Starting 1-on-1 negotiations Sept '15
I have stopped responding to this question and others like it. If she persists I will tell her to stop. If she doesn't stop I will follow up with an affidavit or some such. I will asks attorney about this too.
In church today a baby was being baptized- such a happy family event. For me it was another reminder of a family happiness thst I no longer have. I just slipped out the back door and no one noticed.
I saw the birthday party photos of which I was in a couple of . I had to pose with W for a couple. She is grinning broadly like the Cheshire Cat. Me, I just looked thin and drawn and had a very slight smile. It was so obvious that w is happy happy happy! All is this sickens me and I have lost my purpose. Others have said the same thing , life without purpose is not living at all just existing.
I read up on narcissits last night and God that hit home and how soul destroying it is to be involved with one. Narcissits devalue people once they have sucked the well dry. Maybe I should consider myself lucky to have escaped as chitty as it was how it ended.
Narcissits never feel sorry or remorse or guilt. They are just not wired that way. They feel entitled and justified in their feelings and their feelings are paramount regardless of the destruction.
The best thing that can be done is get out of the relationship pronto and don't look back. Cut the losses and move one.
HeavyD, be careful about labelling W as a narc. Really it's a clinical diagnosis.
Narcs are that way throughout an R, not just at the end. At the end it's just plain addiction and stupidity. I read that your W was and maybe still is a great mom, narcs generally don't have space for that.
OW on the other hand, well as you described her, some tendencies.
As far as I can see you have very great purpose, a terrific mom, career worker, and amazing caring woman. Your higher spirit is awakening, in due course, you will shine bright and have integrity.
V
Last edited by Vanilla; 08/16/1507:06 PM.
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
Ok - I will be careful about my perceptions about character disorders. So noted.
Just not feeling the higher purpose V - all I feel now is just going through the motions. Like lots of others I focused my life on my family, now they are gone and I have lost my will. I am not floundering as I was 7-8 months ago, now just feel overwhelming loss.
I am grateful for beauty and goodness around me but without my family support - just drifting, feeling aimless. GAL has fallen off sharply not sure if it's because of my lack of focus or lack of GAL causes inertia.
Does that resonate with you or are you past this point in your situation?
