have I been making mistakes too long part3

[sandi2]

Detaching seems counterproductive for my Situation. One of the reasons that she gives for wanting a D is that I have been emotionally unavailable. It seems that detaching would only make things worse.

I am still committed to following the rules but can any of you explain why detaching works if that is one of the reasons she has made a decision to D.

Becoming a WW doesn't happen overnight. It's a process. Once it developes to that stage, everything changes. The last thing she wants is to have you hanging around her. If you were not there for her emotional needs, she does NOT want you there now! You must get this fact! What she tried to tell you she wanted in the past........is gone. It is over.

Before you can start being there for her physically or emotionally, she has to desire it. Otherwise, it will disgust her beyond your belief. I am trying to tell you she no longer has those same feelings. For her, it is too little too late.

Maybe you need to go back and read what Michele says about detaching.

How can a W of 16 years just stop caring. I don't get it. I never thought this would happen and I thought if it did it wouldn't bother me so bad. GOD I was wrong. This is by far the worst feeling ever. I would rather be hit by a truck.

The fact you can say you never thought it would bother you so badly, makes me think she has asked herself how the man she married could just stop caring about her emotional needs. You apparently weren't too worried about it, until she dropped the bomb. And now you are crying and asking how she could stop caring after 16 yrs. Maybe she felt she had given you 16 yrs of chances, but you didn't do anything about it.

You need to get yourself together. This pity party you are having does nothing productive. If anything, it makes you feel more sorry for yourself, instead of getting focused and determined to make changes. Do you have a plan? Have you read completely through Divorce Remedy yet?