WW likes her destructive behaviour more than she dislikes her hurt. It clearly serves a purpose for her.
Otherwise she would stop.
When the reward diminishes or the consequences are greater she likely will spell break or crises.
It is likely that one day she will realise OW is triangulating the R with the S and she may demand monogamy. OW will seek to replace her with a more willing target if triangulation is her chosen ego boost dynamic. If she isn't already, didn't WW at one stage think you "knew something" and "weren't telling her?" The seed is already sown. Scuzz bag OW.
V
Last edited by Vanilla; 08/14/1511:44 AM.
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
New student orientation for s10 and d6. This is during my week. Orientation was from 11-1. W and I texted - said I had doctor appt and some errands to run but told her I would be there around 12. Kids and I ate breakfast ran the errands and hit the orientation early about 11:15 ish. We met the teachers, reviewed the classrooms etc.
School has no a/c it was hot and kids wanted to go. Texted W that we got what we needed and we're heading home.
Spew fest ensued. I said I made a call due to heat and kids were ready to go.
She wants to tell kids the reason she wasn't there was my fault. She started lambasting me on the phone at which point I just said bye.
Many angry texts followed.
If this happened while we were together it would have been not a big deal at all but a "ok glad it went well" kind of thing.
Where am I in relation to your situation? I know you had a rough go but are in a much better place now - thankfully.
Halfway or not even close. Mine started in September 14.
I know I am not supposed to gauge my situation as everyone is different but it gives me an idea.
Thanks - Heavy!!
Heavy ... that latest spew fest, yup ... seemed to me she just needed to be angry and spew at someone, could not show OW that side of herself so it was typically me and every now and then was S. Boundaries here, FIRM Boundaries ... she will learn to respect them and you.
To answer your question. I have read typical (average) MLC is 3-5 years. With a few never really coming out as they are stuck and never work on that issue that has sent them into the tunnels. From what I could tell with mine, what ever happened with W was the 14-15 yr area, OM was absolutely someone FIL would have blown a gasket over if she attempted to date him. I have also read that most LBS become obsessed with where their MLC'r is as far as stages ... thinking .. ok she is in stage 4 only 1-3 more years of this and I am in the clear .... This is not good .. not good for you nor the MLCr, you have to put the focus on YOU .. get out of her head and go about your own life her Heavy. They have to feel you are gone in order to look deeply inward and really decide to do that work .. if you are still on the porch step with open arms there is no reason to change. Set Boundaries.... The boundaries are for you ... for you to form a healthy happy life ... when and if your W comes out, you will be beyond all this, you will be at a place where you truly will have to search your own self and decide IF you want to re-enter into a new M with a very different W ... I assure you she will be different. She might look, talk, sometimes act the same .... but she is going to have a bunch of changed things about her, so it will be a new R regardless.
^^^^^ Great advice on the not trying to place the MLC in stages Cali.
Me: 50 W:43 S6, S3 M: 12 yrs. T: 17 M is bad & Not happy Bomb Mar '14 S 5 Feb '15 D Bomb 13 Apr '15 (but "no hurry") DB Coach May '15 Wants proceed on D Aug '15 Starting 1-on-1 negotiations Sept '15
The fix it urge is so strong, almost overpowering.
When I dropped off kids today - W looked weird, like she had been crying or maybe still really angry at me, I don't know, but she definately had a weird look on her face. Even S10 commented that Momma must be tired. Maybe she was just that.
IC today. She advised to hold my head high at the party tomorrow, not my shame, not my monkey's kind of thing. Again, the focus is on S10! The show must go on kind of thing and I agree, with everybody. I have my marching orders and I will carry them out.
I will wear a new dress, picked up some saucy sandals and and new makeup. I will look the part if nothing else.
Hi Heavy, I hope the party goes well and S has a lovely time on his special day.
In terms of you, dress, saucy sandals and new make-up all sound perfect! I hope you are able to find the inner sense of calm, acceptance and self-love to glow in this lovely outfit too.
Best of luck xx
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
