New post (was MLC w/EA possible PA) and confused.

[Drew]

I keep saying we need to start from here, not stay stuck in the past. But I know he needs to see it, not just hear it.

He's the one who keeps coming to me with this stuff - I don't pursue it. But I do answer him, mostly to validate, but sometimes to keep communications open. That's what he always comes back to: communication and me trying to manipulate or set the direction for the comms.
I think I've been somewhat consistent. The only thing that has softened is my physical affection...

Just had another thought... my GAL includes chatting w/friends. That's made him rather nervous (questions, irritation when I get a text, etc.) Maybe that's part of what makes him feel manipulated.

Remind me - your focus is where?

[kyrie]

I was clarifying based on previous posters' comments. My focus is "us". I know you're gonna say it needs to be on "me".

[Drew]

I know you're gonna say it needs to be on "me".

Well then?

[kyrie]

Well, what about when he comes to me and opens up & wants to talk about things??

[Drew]

Listen.

Validate.

Listen some more.

You're looking for a quick fix.

Sorry to tell you but ....

[kyrie]

yes... yes.... guess I need to feel like the hemmoraging has stopped, or the free fall. Sometimes it does but maybe I'm fooling myself.

He asks questions - that's where I can't just validate. He expects an answer.

[Drew]

He expects an answer.

Whoa!!!!

Hello, alarm bells ....

Maybe it's just me but that doesn't sound like a healthy conversation between adults.

[kyrie]

?
When you ask an important question don't you expect/hope to be answered & not ignored??

[Drew]

I never said ignore.

Sorry, I'm in the process of going back and reading your prior thread to understand your sitch better.

Have you ever heard of Boundaries?

[kyrie]

As in, a book? Or just personal boundaries?