Hanging in there

[asitis]

On the texting, I agree. To the "How was your trip?" I'd just reply "Great!". Don't tell him to call. You are focused on your life. If he wants to know more, he will initiate. Although he doesn't act like it often from what you've said, he is a big boy and knows how to use the phone.

Why would you want to sit w/ him while he works and show interest in something you really have no interest in? Do you really think that will help? Do you really think that is what he really wants? Or do you think he is throwing you a bone wo/ having to do anything to meet your needs? Will each of you focusing on your own lives but in close proximity really make you attractive or build any real bond?

I still think that if his heart isn't into investing in the M, then the MC should either be dropped or used as a neutral party to work out a healthier S arrangement between the two of you. He shows no interest in working on his own relationship problems & social dysfunction, just spew at you. It is not giving up on your M to stop MC. It is often the best thing you can do for your M.

Don't make this about him, but about you. I need some time & space to think about how I feel about all this, and I need a break from the MC while I do that. I don't feel like it is doing either of us any good, but I know it certainly doesn't feel like it is doing me any good.

And 90--95% is an A. Of course, look for opportunities to improve & fine tune, but start looking at the positives instead of being so quick to see yourself as falling short and blaming yourself (see my last response where I agree w/ your IC that you blame yourself too much). Show yourself some compassion. None of us is hitting 100%. None of us. And we all have had to go through a learning process, and those of us who haven't written the M off and started to move on are still in a learning process even if we seem to have our sh*t together. We all struggle. And it is a very difficult and stressful time. What would you say to yourself if you were a dear friend going through what you are going through w/ a very unpleasant H and doing the things you are doing? Would it be critical or supportive and nurturing. You are the person who cares most about your life and happiness, as you are the one living it. Be your best friend.

And, you are doing well. Really.