Thanks Asitis. I will think about the MC. It is hard for me because it is the only time we really talk. And I think it is a good outlet for H right now, maybe not for me though. Definitely not for me.
The problem isn't nagging, or helping out around the house, H does a lot around the house and we do well with those types of discussions. It is more anything that is emotional or even just random small talk.
I think the problem, and this is getting deep here, goes back to how he was raised. He views any kind of disagreement as "being set up" or tricked and tends to think there is a hidden agenda. He half- communicates, will give very limited info and then if I ask for more or seem confused he will react as though I am criticizing. He runs from any emotion.
I also think he is lonely and doesn't know how to appropriately reach out and connect, so therefore he withdraws. He seems very happy when I pursue or initiate plans or contact.
I just got back from IC. My IC seems to think I am doing a good job with all of this, and with handling my emotional needs. She said if I didn't have occasional emotional outbursts she would be concerned that I was not in touch with the severity of the problems in my life- my kids and my H. She said she thinks I am strong and that I am holding it together very well. And of course a married person is going to have a strong emotional bond and need for connection with their S, it is not a weakness or something to work to sever.
She did say I should focus on my children and my own happiness and she suggested that H gets better treatment for his depression. I told her I was working on my communication skills- I might not be as pleasant as I think I am. She said that is good, but she thinks I am blaming myself for too much.
Your IC is right that we'd be worried if you were able to do this stuff perfectly, and she is right that you are doing well and all our suggestions are just to help improve on your doing well.
I also agree w/ her that you are blaming yourself too much, and that H needs to go to an IC if he is not.
Me: 50 W:43 S6, S3 M: 12 yrs. T: 17 M is bad & Not happy Bomb Mar '14 S 5 Feb '15 D Bomb 13 Apr '15 (but "no hurry") DB Coach May '15 Wants proceed on D Aug '15 Starting 1-on-1 negotiations Sept '15
