Good insight on your part. You are definitely catching on & doing the good work necessary. Keep it up!
Me: 50 W:43 S6, S3 M: 12 yrs. T: 17 M is bad & Not happy Bomb Mar '14 S 5 Feb '15 D Bomb 13 Apr '15 (but "no hurry") DB Coach May '15 Wants proceed on D Aug '15 Starting 1-on-1 negotiations Sept '15
I can definitely learn from my mistakes. When I don't take care of me, I become less stable and more likely to react in ways which distance her, taking care of me physically (quit smoking, more eating, working out) and emotionally (meditation and personal growth) leads to better results for me personally and also attracts her back to me.
One thing I still struggle with is no expectations. By definition I still want us to work. If I had no expectation whatsoever I'll be leaving this city to travel Asia and go on an extended retreat of 1-2 months.
By staying here, I'm maintaining hope and expectation.
But I guess small steps. Going on that 10 day next week scares me as hell to be far away from her for so long.
Me: 29, wife: 29 Been together 6 years. Married June 13 (2years) Separation: 22/6/15 W stopped wearing wedding ring 30/6/15
Go on the retreat Ohgosh. I spent two months in South America when my WAW left and it was one of the best things I could have done. She needed space, and I used the time to figure out a lifetime's worth of my own introspections.
Give yourself the gift of travel if you can. I met incredible people with incredible stories but mostly came to the realization that the world was a much bigger place than my problems, and my life could be amazing without her presence. The trip was by no means easy, nor comfortable, but the lessons have shaped every aspect of how I want to live the next 25 years of my life.
I say do it! What do you have to lose at this point?
M 39 W 36 T5 M3 BD - 1/15 Separated - Same Day Served 9/15 D finalized 6/17
We all have expectations even when we tell ourselves over and over not to. If you have the thought that I shouldn't have an expectation because of that, you already do or you wouldn't have that thought. Don't beat yourself up for that. It is better to acknowledge, that you have a bit and so you can keep it from driving your reactions.
On the retreat: don't worry about W. Don't worry about being away from her. You already are away from her in a very real sense. Your focus needs to be on you. This is a long journey, 10 days is a drop in the bucket, and you have no idea what the impact of those 10 days will be on your W either way. And you will miss her. While you're gone, take steps to really disconnect. If you can, turn your phone off and stow it.
Me: 50 W:43 S6, S3 M: 12 yrs. T: 17 M is bad & Not happy Bomb Mar '14 S 5 Feb '15 D Bomb 13 Apr '15 (but "no hurry") DB Coach May '15 Wants proceed on D Aug '15 Starting 1-on-1 negotiations Sept '15
She called me for a short practical call and then insisted to know where I am and what my plans are, maybe because I left the apartment before she came back. Left my book there by mistake but said it's OK, I'll get it on my return even though she offered to bring it back to me. Also confessed that me starting to pack my things was partly motivated by anger. She didn't really respond to that, just said 'yeah you also didn't pack so well'.
When asked where I was I said dinner with friends, didn't elaborate so much and I could see she's unhappy with that.
She 'has plans' tonight which I'm equally worried about and didn't ask - so why should she expect complete transparency from me.
Last edited by ohgosh; 08/14/1508:44 PM.
Me: 29, wife: 29 Been together 6 years. Married June 13 (2years) Separation: 22/6/15 W stopped wearing wedding ring 30/6/15
The What's good for goose & gander rarely makes WAS happy. Good job on the detachment & leaving things vague (esp. if I'm reading the implication that she volunteered her plans rather than you asking what she was doing.
Me: 50 W:43 S6, S3 M: 12 yrs. T: 17 M is bad & Not happy Bomb Mar '14 S 5 Feb '15 D Bomb 13 Apr '15 (but "no hurry") DB Coach May '15 Wants proceed on D Aug '15 Starting 1-on-1 negotiations Sept '15
She didn't volunteer her plan - she mentioned she cant stay with our dog tonight because 'she has plans', and i didn't ask, however she pressured me to know my plans and i remained vague.
She was like: "Are you at X/Y friends?' and I said, no, dinner at friends.
Anyway - I love her and miss her, feel bad for all the tough times we went through but know within my heart that if we get a second chance I will do everything to make it work.. Which I know is where I am at due to the situation I am in. When I 'have her', I start to appreciate her less - how does one overcome this?
Me: 29, wife: 29 Been together 6 years. Married June 13 (2years) Separation: 22/6/15 W stopped wearing wedding ring 30/6/15
