Question 1 - how do I respond to her wanting to go out drinking? She doesn't do it much, but when she does, she closes the bar. Sometimes doesn't come home until 3-4am. This has been fought about before. I always ask her to come home at a reasonable time. I worry about a dui. I also worry that she is dancing or flirting with other guys. I am not normally jealous, but I am when she goes out.
You can not control what she does .... if she goes out, remain positive
READ Cadets links ... then read em again .. alot of information in there.
You are early into this so stick with the basics ... Detach, 180, GAL and PMA
Originally Posted By: EricT
I am more of a homebody. (Possible 180 chance here ... GAL with something outdoors) I travel for work, so when I get home I like to stay home. This is one of the things she is unhappy with. I told her it is an easy fix. Let's go out more.( She will fight this.... to little to late, so you have to just do some things for you right now) Now that she opened Pandora's box with saying I don't love you, she won't let me take her out, go to her side of the family events, won't come to my side of the family, skipped oUT on going on a camping with me and the kids last weekend (instead she traveled across the state to see her sister). I think her sister is telling her to leave me to be happy. I have never been abusive. I think I have worn her down slowly over the years. She has given up hope that she can be happy with me. She rolls her eyes at me when I say I can change and we can go do more together. She has been cold toward me. She is normally the most kind, big hearted person I know. I have lost a lot of sleep and weight worrying about losing my wife, thinking about a future as a divorced dad (I can't imagine not living in the same house full-time with my kids, the idea of me only seeing them a few times a week kills me). I ordered Michele's books, but they don't arrive for a few days. In the meantime, I am reading on the forums here. And advice from posts on Jack Ito's website. Should I be distancing myself from her? (Detach ... not distance) I have been pursuing, trying to show her I do love her. She told me I am annoying her by hovering, so I guess I know the answer.( Yup .. the more you pursue her the faster she will run .... so stop all pursuits) I just am weak and don't want to give her space. I'm afraid she will find that she is happier without me. I am afraid she has been talking to someone or is fantasizing about others. Eric
Ok ... ^^ The fear thing. Yeah I get that , fear of the unknown. You have to mask that, fear is not attractive, you following her around and doing back flips and saying you can change is not attractive. She wants a man ... not play-do she can twist and form into what she thinks she needs.
Plan some GAL activities, be mysterious ... for now .. .she fired you .... time to detach a bit and rediscover yourself.
