Too angry right now

[asitis]

Went to the flat again today, not expecting to see her.
She texted me to ask: should I stay to say hello?
My anger said: no. I dont want to see you.
My wisdom replied: up to you.
She stayed. I was in a good state of mind as I meditated and started reading non violent communication today.
She gave me a very affectionate hug I let go into it but was the one to stop it. I was cheerful.

Then again before she left gave me a very sexy hug, and said she's sad. I remained cheerful and she left.
Short, but very positive encounter.

This will be the last time we meet for two weeks so left a good impression.

Very hard not to give in to expectations when you can see hope. However I know within my heart that I have a great future ahead of me, with her, or without.

Good job.

Don't see hope. There is none in what she did. It very likely was just her needing to see if you would respond to her as she struggles w/ the loss of you. She's feeling sad because, even though this was her choice, she is loosing the person she has become emotionally attached to & dependant on. That detachment process that both of you are trying to go through ebbs and flows.

And especially if she has either consciously or unconsciously detected a change that suggests that you are moving away from her rather than the other way around, it will trigger insecurity & feelings of loss in her which can cause her to behave in ways that try to re-establish that security even while she continues to detach herself from you. People naturally want this at their pace, and even though she is trying to detach from you, she is still hooked to you and wants that bond badly.

Is this a cause for hope? Yes and no. It means that there is still a great deal in her for you. That will likely not go away, although it may lose its power over her. There is no way to know which direction she ultimately decides until she actually goes through the process. All you can do is continue your detachment & GAL while she goes through this. And the other DBing approaches are tools to help increase the chances that the end of that process is her saying that she wants to try again.

And a warning: don't be surprised if the next encounter is much more unpleasant. She doesn't want to be drawn to you. It often scares the WAS, and they assert their boundary defenses harder to that perceived threat. Hopefully not, but better prepared & not caught totally off guard and triggered into a reaction.

Good luck. It's hard when the aren't nice to you, and hard when they are nice to you. It's just hard.