Hi 4, I think Zeus has a point with the fantasy you may be holding on to - if I do this, then he will do that and we'll be okay..

Actually, that could happen and you could do just enough to attract him back. However my concern is that you may repeat some of the unhealthy patterns. He comes back to you, and 'cheats' on OW in the process. You are complicit in the 'cheating' too. Then you carry on in a R together until he cheats again. This is what I think may happen unless your own changes are significant.

I think if you develop your own healthy sense of self-worth, you won't get drawn back into that cycle again, because you will realise that it isn't good for you. This is why doing this for yourself (and not to 'win' your guy back) is so important. It is challenging to 'try' something different, because we all get stuck in particular ways of 'being' with our partners. However, DBing is all about experimenting and observing the impact an altered approach has.

None of this is easy - but keep on posting and recognise that you are going to have to dig pretty deep here in order to make progress. Have you found out any more about the groups you may join yet??

xx

T 13 M 7
Me 48 H 46
SS 15
BD 7.14 PA
D final 5.16 (H filed)

We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus