If he says to you face to face, then say "I'm sorry you feel that way" and then walk away. When they are in crisis, they say all sorts of things. What he's feeling right now are his own feelings and later down the road they could change once again. You can't change is mind on how he feels, so it's best to leave well enough alone, walk away and come here to vent.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
If he says to you face to face, then say "I'm sorry you feel that way" and then walk away. When they are in crisis, they say all sorts of things. What he's feeling right now are his own feelings and later down the road they could change once again. You can't change is mind on how he feels, so it's best to leave well enough alone, walk away and come here to vent.
I will. It's just so frustrating.
I also believe he has some kind of addiction to porn, and women.
Addictions to self medicate are very common for people who are in crisis/depression.
Keep the focus on you!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Hi Haunted, he may really, really have felt that way right at the moment he said that. But as we all know, things can change and feelings can change - particularly if you remove all pressure and begin to live your own life.
Without looking back - did you read the books? I think you need to focus on DB101 basics here. He is where he is right now. It's not a good place for your M and he may be there for a while. So, how are you working on you? What are your GAL plans? Let's start detaching from him and shift the focus on you. That's the way to move forward my friend.
If you read the books already, maybe re-read them with a pencil and really take in the concepts, believe in the process and start applying it and see how it begins to impact on how you feel, and on your sitch.
Good luck - we are all here to help :-)
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Haunted, They say things in the heat of the moment. At the time he said those things to you, he may very well have felt that way. They are his feelings to own. They could very well change again in the future and that's why we say not to believe much of what they say. You know what you had w/him in the marriage. Ask yourself this, is it live or Memorex?
If you haven't done any research on MLC, I suggest that you begin doing so. Much of what your h is saying and doing is classic MLC script. It's important that you keep the focus on you and do not over analyze what they or do. Why? Because it will drive you crazy.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Hi Haunted, he may really, really have felt that way right at the moment he said that. But as we all know, things can change and feelings can change - particularly if you remove all pressure and begin to live your own life.
Without looking back - did you read the books? I think you need to focus on DB101 basics here. He is where he is right now. It's not a good place for your M and he may be there for a while. So, how are you working on you? What are your GAL plans? Let's start detaching from him and shift the focus on you. That's the way to move forward my friend.
If you read the books already, maybe re-read them with a pencil and really take in the concepts, believe in the process and start applying it and see how it begins to impact on how you feel, and on your sitch.
Good luck - we are all here to help :-)
I haven't read the DB book. I was reading the DR. Well I am just working and about to start back school. I am trying to detach. It's so hard. Any tips on how to do it and stick to it?
Haunted, They say things in the heat of the moment. At the time he said those things to you, he may very well have felt that way. They are his feelings to own. They could very well change again in the future and that's why we say not to believe much of what they say. You know what you had w/him in the marriage. Ask yourself this, is it live or Memorex?
If you haven't done any research on MLC, I suggest that you begin doing so. Much of what your h is saying and doing is classic MLC script. It's important that you keep the focus on you and do not over analyze what they or do. Why? Because it will drive you crazy.
I've done a little research. Some signs point to MLC which is why I wasn't sure if he was really having a MLC. you know?
Like he said he would never have a threesome. He couldn't share and was too jealous. Now he's into threesomes.
I just found out he hooked up with someone last night. I don't even know how to feel right now.
Practice makes perfect and you have to be determined to stick to detaching and not reacting to the things he says and does. GALing is the best way to keep your focus on you. Find things to keep your mind busy, but also things you enjoy. A good book, movie or hanging out at the coffee shop work as well.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
