My lizard and her tunnel ...

[late30s]

AJM, first I love the name. Happens to be my initials.

Thanks for the input. I admire and respect your opinion. You've nailed one of my biggest fears. I like to believe that I will remain rational enough to say that returning isn't an option at this point, but I can't say that for certain.

I'm still working on removing buttons she has access to. I thought I had nabbed all of them, but she found one and I'm not so sure it was intentional. A couple of weeks ago she said that her kids were the most important people in her life. I scoffed at this. I feel like her actions have told a different story.

This leaves a big button for me. I don't think it's right, I'm certainly in no position to tell her who ranks where in HER life, but somewhere in my twisted brain it bothers me quite a bit. Since I discovered the button I have been working on removing it.

I believe I have made a lot of progress since she left, but I feel that I still need to make more. I still have trouble detaching. Not that I stumble all the time, but it is a constant, daily battle for me.

As far as things ending, I am currently resolved to the long haul. I find myself becoming stronger. The gaping wound in my chest doesn't hurt as badly. Things are becoming clearer. I'm not spinning as often. For the time being, I am attempting the kill them with kindness approach. Mostly because that's a big part of who I am. Not just in dealing with her, in dealing with everyone in my life. My coworkers are amazed at my patience and kindness. I get complimented on it all the time. I feel like I have an unfair advantage when it comes to the patience part of it. After dealing with W and her spew, everyone else is a walk in the park.

Keeping my kind nature is very important to ME. I struggle with that and being firm at the same time. I am starting to find ways to keep my kindness while protecting myself. The validation cheat sheet has helped me a lot in this regard. Opened my mind to different ways of approaching problems that allow me to stay away from the cynicism.

I have a question for you, AJM. I would like to read your sitch from beginning to end. Is it still available? If so, do you have a link or links? I have read all of Caliguy's sitch and you were a bastion of wisdom there. I learned a lot reading it. I'm sure you also have plenty to teach.