I do NOT want her to return under these circumstances. I feel like I can survive one of these, I don't want to return to the status quo and wait for another bomb to drop. She needs to finish her journey.
Late, I read your posts. I get it. I've been there. I made the mistake of allowing/encouraging her to come back too soon. I hope you don't do same. It really is that painful for all concerned.
She should come back for the right reasons - i.e. she wants to be there, not because she is out of options. Otherwise, it's temporary until you both do the work. Seriously.
Looking at your posts, I think you know that. I think you also have a good head on your shoulders and realize that this is not a quick hit item and takes time. Lots of time.
I have no regrets, but if I had it to do over again, I would have picked the other road where she didn't come back so soon. She wasn't done. Still doesn't seem to be all these years later. Maybe she just doesn't have the tools, but that's how it seems.
Focus on yourself and the family. Evaluate her for her maturity and use of tools. Evaluate yourself as well. If she comes back too soon, it won't end well. And don't be fooled - they can be very persuasive. Very
Take your time and take the space to learn about you and make the tools you need to be better. It's hard when the momentum swings back and forth, but it's worth taking the time.
The spew is a good indicator of where she is currently. Blaming you for her actions is a good sign that you BOTH need to work on some things before she returns.
Have I said it enough times??
Things don't have to end this way, but they do need to be repaired. By both of you and for the right reasons. The alternative is not pleasant...
AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
