hold on! - 11

[u-turn]

Hi Jelly - thanks for checking in. I have been a little reluctant to post because I am feeling pretty anxious and I don't want to come off as whiny over little things while there is so much pain on these boards.

Overall I am staying very busy with the start of another school year and I am focused which pleases me. My business is functioning alright too with a little new work coming in and I have a good amount of invoices out - so money should be coming in soon. This is good because money is getting pretty tight.

The kids are generally happy and S17 is actually enthusiastic about the start of school which is really out of character for him.

So what am I anxious about? - WW is back to her super mom persona and seems to really be trying to push me out. I have gotten so accustomed to doing everything, for her to jump in and start taking over is getting to me - though it has only been a week of this and I don't think she can keep it up.

She is back to her over the top niceness with them, and calling them pet names. She's almost treating them like they are little children. She gets up and rushes into the kitchen to pack their lunches (even though I have been making their lunches every day for years) and then tells them that she did this. I am mad at myself for feeling this way because I should be grateful. We should be working together at this and the kids deserve this, but for some reason it is hurtful to me.

The pet names - she's never done this before or at least since they were little, why now. It seems so strange, and every time I hear it, I really have to hold in my sarcastic remarks - and this makes me mad at myself because the kids deserve both of our love.

The problem is, I am serving with her D papers which should be coming in 2 weeks or so, and she seems to be trying to come back, not to me but to the family.

I am still proceeding, but this does give me a chance to second guess myself - but my resentment isn't allowing me to do that - I don't know if this makes sense.

I am anxious and impatient because my L is taking a lot longer than he said he would be. I am the type of person that plans something for a very very long time and am very thorough with going through possible solutions and issues, but once I have decided I am ready, I want things to move quickly - but it's out of my control.

I am feeling a little twisted apart by all of this - it seems like she may want to change, but yet nothing has changed.
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by the way you made me laugh - I've cleaned the donkey and she has been nicer to me(had to look up the phrase spat the dummy ). I usually consider the mud as a badge of honor - the more mud there is the more fun I had.

I look forward to the weekend so I can go for a good long ride again.

Thanks JellyB