I cant advise you anymore than I already have on the ML topic. It is different for each person and situation.
Read the book. She gives really simple things as ways we undermine the men in our lives. You can actually implement many of the ideas without seeming like you are pursuing. Just remember, whatever changes you may decide to make, have to be because YOU want to change, not for the marriage or him alone. Otherwise they will seem fake, and they WAS can smell fake a mile away.
"Acceptance doesn't mean resignation. It means understanding that something is what it is and there's got to be a way through it."--Michael J. Fox
