Help for LBH who has a WW (new thread)

[sandi2]

I appreciate all of your comments. As I continue to say, we learn from each other.

BTW, Hill, I didn't mean for this to sound as if we were dissecting what you wrote. The MLC subject is something that comes up in Newcomers all the time.

It's easier to accept our W may be having a MLC because that shows they are working through something about them and have an internal issue. With a WW it feels more like we weren't good enough and they fell in love with someone else. I guess we just take it much more personal this way.

Thanks, Fogg. This is interesting, and probably close to what I had thought. I personally wondered if the LBS felt they were somehow given permission to stick it out with the MLCer, or if other people would be more understanding .........as if MLC was some type of "condition", like a disease. But that's just the thinking of an ole former WW here.

I noticed Fogg said, "shows they are working through something about them and have an internal issue". That really caught my eye, b/c the WW certainly has internal issues, also. But I think I know how Fogg meant this. The MLCer could be dealing with psychological issues that the WW may not face. You guys can correct me if I'm wrong, but it is still a matter of "choice", right? I mean, they do know they are doing wrong when they go into an A, etc.

Sotto said something along the same line of thought:

With MLC - there is an element of 'they can't help it' and 'you didn't cause it.' So, in a way it is more comfortable if you can think - this was unavoidable!

Is the idea of "they can't help it" really what it's all about, for the LBS? And with a wayward, you feel more responsible?

I loved what Fogg said here:

I was stuck for a long time at the beginning of my sitch trying to figure out if my W was WW, WAS, MLC, depressed W, etc. Fact is shows characteristics of all of them and what I needed to be doing didn't change much anyway. The energy I invested in trying to determine what she was was much greater than just figuring out what I needed to be doing.

Then Cadet:

Their is much more similarity between the two types MLC and WAS than their are differences.
Best to just to keep the focus on ourselves, anything else is also non-productive and not really in the spirit of DB.

And that's why he's our moderator.