Confused and Unsure

[EMMess]

Hello All,

First let me express how immensely grateful I am to have found this site. I have been reading post after post for about a month. I figure it is time for me to join in on the discussions. I have read Sandie's 37 (amazing list) RobX Detaching (Great Read), as well as some of your stories.

I am now in my second month of separation and to say the least it has been hard, everyday I have to pick myself up and dust myself off. Like everyone else I have beg, pleaded, bargained with my W, all with no success.

I am currently in the detachment process and continue to work towards not pursuing, seeing needy, and just letting her go.

A bit of a background on my Sitch. W and I have been together for 10 years and M for 3, we have 2 beautiful sons (7 and 14 months). The first years of our relationship are clouded with very bad memories. The first few years were bad, I was a serial cheater, always have been, it was something that in IC I have learned it was from my culture and upbringing (Not excusing it). We stuck together and my journey hasn't been easy, so I know I have contributed a lot to my current situation. I have done a 180 and focused on my M, I started reaching out for connection, but by this time she had already checked out, unbeknownst to me. I should have seen her detachment but like every other LBS here, I wasn't paying much attention.

Once I decide to fully commit to our M, and to give her all of me. We started going to MC, I thought it was going well. Then one weekend while she returned from a business trip (she travels a lot), I managed to get a babysitter for our kids, so that we can go out and have some fun. We ended up getting into an argument and the next day she BD.

I recently found out that a month after DB, she was already flirting with other men, she has been talking to one a lot lately and has had dinner with him recently while away on business.

I am suffering a lot, I miss my wife and stressed the fact that my family is falling apart. I carry the guilt of what I have done to her, the hurt I caused her, and have done everything for years to try and mend it. I get the "you are a great person, a great father, but you were not a great husband" "I love you but not in love with you" it is so hard to believe, we were fixing our marriage, we were affectionate up until the argument (Which was the last nail in the coffin). I know how I have contributed to the failing of my marriage, and I go back and forth on what I should do, I understand why she feels the way she does and don't know whether this salvageable. I haven't lost hope in reconciliation, I know this marriage is over but I at least hope that I can build a new one with her some time in the future.

Sorry if I am all over the place. I just wanted to share something with all the amazing people whose posts I have been reading and have been helpful to me.