Hi Pink! I have been thinking about you a lot and last night I heard this song by Taylor Swift and I thought of your sitch.
People like you always want back the love they gave away And people like me wanna believe you when you say you've changed...
Here you are now calling me up But I don't know what to say I've been picking up the pieces of the mess you made People like you always want back the love they pushed aside But people like me are gone forever when you say good bye
Me:33 H:36 T:13 years M:10 years S4 Separated 05/15 H Filed 06/15
I will have my piece of paper soon, and like you, I look to make the core changes and move forward truly. I love how you mentioned that GAL is sometimes but an illusion.
Maybe there will be humility and growth for both of you up ahead still. Wishing the best for you, that trust in the process will bring you happily to your new life.
Mid 30's Psych-abusive M with violent tantrums from XH D 9/15; NC forever on
Hi Pink, I have been reading information on the Hearts Blessing website. She has a range of articles about MLC, and Q&As too. I thought of your H when I read this. It is from her article - Returning back: the first awakening:
To “awaken” means to go from sleep to gradual awareness. This first “awakening” that comes during the latter half of the Replay stage, has been compared to the story of “Rip Van Winkle”, who slept for 20 years, and awoke to find everything had changed. When a mid-life spouse awakens, they find much the same aspect, (everything has changed, or is changing) except their awakening occurs in gradual steps.
1. They awaken to the reality/truth of the situation as it’s become
2. They awaken to the reality/truth what they have done/are doing
3. They awaken to the fact that if they do not do something, all will be lost.
Their awakening, regardless of how it comes about, is usually triggered as a result of a loss (real or imagined) perceived as coming, or is about to happen. This leads to a greater awareness within them, and various changes begin to occur as a result.
It is possible that finalising the D and the loss associated with this may have caused an awakening within your H. Of course I'm no expert, but there is something of a change here. I would encourage you to read the article and see what you think.
From your perspective, I would just keep things light, pleasant and supportive and not change your path for now. As you say, there is work you want to do on you.....
Keep on DBing Pink!!! xxx
Last edited by Sotto; 08/13/1504:31 PM.
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
.Their awakening, regardless of how it comes about, is usually triggered as a result of a loss (real or imagined) perceived as coming, or is about to happen. This leads to a greater awareness within them, and various changes begin to occur as a result.
Did you ever read any AMYC?
Here is how she came out of her MLC
Originally Posted By: AmyC
It was actually a series of events, one being a huge dose of reality. My husband had left for a second time, I had gotten rid of the OM and I was really alone for the first time. I just couldn't run anymore and I couldn't look at myself in the mirror either.
Also, last August 13th, I was on the scene of a motorcycle accident up the road from my house in which the man died with me sitting in the ditch beside him waiting for the ambulance. I can not effectively describe what that did to me but it had A LOT to do with me recognizing how quickly everything can be gone and what is really important.
There is no one thing that is going to pull somebody out of a MLC. It depends on the person. IMO, non-interference by the LBS will allow a person to come through it quicker.
During my MLC, I did not see ANYTHING for what it really was. I don't know how to explain the deception I was under which was largely self-imposed.
But right about this time last year I starting pulling my head out of my ass and it was not a pretty picture at all.
A good post. I really like the latter half of it about you and how you intend to move forward for you. And the thanks you express can easily be echoed back to you from many of us.
Originally Posted By: Pink
That he is an idiot and was blind for so long that now he can just regret his choices and will try to learn from his many mistakes.
Its at this point i just want someone to say to him something like
'well you could also stop wallowing in your self inflicted misery and start trying to make things right again'
Better yet would have been if you had said. 'I know. your loss.' and then with a flick of the hair walked away.
Not sure i'm being particularly constructive but your H divorced you and he needs to both understand what that means and take some responsibility rather than still acting the victim. Probably best you listen to Sotto rather than me.
although as I typed I remember a thread by Job that I read a little while back which I think might be useful in your circumstance. Here's the link, so when you get a chance take a look.
Hi Pink. Mall the posters before me have great advice. Your dealing with this really well and there is only one hing you can control and that's you.
Your post was really powerful and you showed your love for H. This is not a bad thing I think a lot of the time we try to convince ourselves that we don't. It's much healthier to realise that we do.
Hello Sweetie, thanks so much for your lovely post on my thread. It is always good to hear from you, and I take strength from the fact that you have made it through D and I can do the same. That's my motto just now - Pink did this and so can I!
I hope you are just spending some time healing, having fun, working, living and moving forward. I can see you were affected by your H's response straight after the D, but I'm glad that you didn't get drawn too back into the 'crazy.' Time will tell and I don't think your H sounds like he could be a great partner to anyone just now - still baking in the MLC oven I think....
For now, just be glad things are resolved, you are secure and settled - and carry on being fabulous Pink!! xx
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
