Here's my completely unsolicited opinion. Asking about this will lead her to feel like you think she isn't capable of taking care of them. You could maybe ask if you can help pay for their stuff. Or Iyou could take your kids to get some new clothes when you have them. But that's just my opinion.
Originally Posted By: fdu
Is there a link or book that explains what she is going through so I can understand the stages people go through as a WAW?
Read Sandi's threads of advice for the LBH. Repeatedly.
Originally Posted By: fdu
patience, patience, more patience. when does the pain go away or when do I become numb to the hurt?
It goes away, but it doesn't go away by itself. At least not for a long time. It goes away when you find that YOU can be HAPPY with or WITHOUT your wife. And the keys to that are PMA, gal, and Detachment. The thoughts and feelings persist, but they don't really hurt anymore.
Is there a link or book that explains what she is going through so I can understand the stages people go through as a WAW?...
The answer is yes, see the list of links Cadet will have given at the early part of your thread, especially those written by Sandi2.
Originally Posted By: fdu
...patience, patience, more patience. when does the pain go away or when do I become numb to the hurt?
You are right about the patience bit, the pain never completely goes away but it does get easier and in many ways that s down to you and how you control your thinking, if you keep on using your mind in the way your are, you'll keep on getting the same result.
- Nobody has ever learnt anything important from happiness and success; problems make us grow - Consult your plan, not your feelings - If you haven't set goals, how can you expect to achieve anything?
Does not really matter at this early point in the game if your W is WW, WAW, MLC, Prom Queen, whatever .... at this early point in the game its more about you. YOU control YOU .... nothing you nor we can do about W and her actions. That being said ... there are things YOU can do .. things YOU can change. These are healthy things. Just know ... you can make all these changes and think .. OK ... I shaved off my beard now she will love me... does not work that way nor that quickly. Its all about consistency, you really have to stick to it ... there will be tests I assure you, make the changes for YOU and stick to them.
Got advice this morning from someone who has been to counseling for divorce and he said his counselor said getting back is almost impossible and if it does it never lasts. Especially if she leaves with young children. I almost went nuts hearing if saying there is no hope for me especially since the kids are starting school in a few days.
Basically saying to move on and forget about getting back together with wife.
I have been at this mess over 2 years. In that time I have read countless books, tons of internet 'advice' columns, spoke with counselors, lawyers, priests ... you name it .. I have done it.
You can pick and chose what you read, pick out what you want to hear, what you want to hang your hat on ... believe this or that. You are spinning at the moment grasping for anything that is shiny and resembles hope. Hope is important ... to say "Impossible and Never lasts" ..... well those are absolutes and logically can not apply.
I am not out of this completely .. but after 2 years, I have moved back in with my W, I hear the ILY' sso often its honestly uncomfortable. She left with a young child, there was an OM, during the low points I was told HORRID things .... is it all peachy and perfect ... no. But ya know what ... its a far cry better from where I was before I landed here on the DB forums.
Quote:
Basically saying to move on and forget about getting back together with wife
That part I will not completely disagree with. Here is the thing, she fired you, right now the M is over in her mind .. the harder you try to hold on to her ... the more she will squirm out, the faster you chase .. the faster she will run. Your focus needs to shift from her ... .to yourself. Its hard and feels polar opposite to everything in your core ... but it is the only way through this. Thing is fdu .... you lost you somewhere through all this .. through the M, you have to find fdu again, pick yourself up and dust off. There is alot of work involved .. but as all things .. things that matter, nothing comes easy.
Mona, that's Great that your back together! I'm so Happy and also inspired.
So, since I am doing the LRT and GAL, what else should I be doing?
I know my wife is dead set on anything not us (getting back together) and MIL + some of her friends are talk crap, supporting her free agency, etc about me, I think Sandi said "Non Counseling. I can't not contact her completely cause the kids, should I "act as if" I moved on?
I need some advice from anyone who has use the product by Brad ABC the "Ex XYZ" (I apologize if I'm not suppose to put a name or product out there, not sure this was ). It was suggested to me by a friend.
I kindly deferred that I was already in a program. My deferral was ok right and I wasn't being to close minded right? I just don't want to mix or overlap programs.
