Finally asking for help:

[Solo15]

That is great feedback guys. Thanks so much for taking the time to offer your advice. I really value it.

Thanks Azzork, you are right. Gotta take it one day at a time and just look at it differently. Thanks for that.

I don't know if you receive similar reactions, but generally speaking if I try to tell my W the real reasons why I don't want to do something and any part of that reason is how I believe she'll behave toward me, it becomes time to get the spew jacket out.

You are spot on with that. I think that's what lets me get railroaded into things. I want to avoid fighting or giving her more ammo to use against me in her heart. So I either I go along with things, or I get into it with her. She does not like resistance and gets angry when things don't go her way. It's a cycle I'm trying to break from and you are totally right. Thank you so much for that.

Sotto, thanks for posting. I really appreciate it. You both are saying this, and it's the right thing to do. Solid advice. I just have to not be double minded about it. I think this sort of thing goes way back for me and is a major stumbling block. It prevents me from being a leader in my family. She has always punished me when she didn't get her way. She would devalue me and add that to the pile of reasons why I wasn't a good fit for her. She would withdraw her affection and kindness. When I was young, I just got in this habit of going along with whatever because I wanted a happy relationship more that my own self worth. This enabled her to steamroll me in almost everything. Worked out really well for me.

There's a 180! Say no politely. Lol. Thanks guys!