Message received ... and as I did share I considered it a back slide and was honestly surprised with my reaction to the whole deal. I admittedly have never handled 'change' very well ... went from 2 months of fairly constant texting to nothing and that did a number on me. Live and Learn .... but I do appreciate everyone's opinion, which I am in agreement with.
Its a harder line to walk over on this side .... detaching was something I always struggled with, and maybe its just the fact I have DB'd so long. All that being said, the fights/spats we have had over the past few months are nothing compared to what they once were.
Yesterday W TM about 4:30 that she was going to hit the grocery store, if I needed anything .. then TM a few tidbits, lighthearted. I was stuck in traffic with S and did not get home till 5:30. W still was not home ... I walked the dog, cleaned up ... W finally gets in about 6 ... I did not say a peep, (look who learned a lesson) Instead I sat and listened to W talk about her day, the job, this person and that person for about 20 minutes. She continued to talk as I put together dinner for S.
We opted to not do the 'hmwk' and instead confirm/plan our trip. We spent a solid 2 hours booking hotels, cancelling the old reservations I had as we planned out 3-4 stops along the way, planning on stopping in certain areas. Things were a little tense as it was all business .... but we got through it without a tiff.
We spent some time with S, read his book ... this has started to become a normal thing, one I think all 3 of us enjoy. I walked the dog, then we put S down .. W jumped into the shower as I watched one of my shows. W came out ... asked if I was tired as she crawled into bed .. I joked and asked if that was a sign .. or a question. We did 'play' a bit ... then after we stayed up and talked about some things she looked at on FB, then I suggested we watch one of our shows... this seemed to excite her (I knew she was not sleepy) ... normally I would have just went to sleep. She fell asleep about 15 min in .... I ended up watching the rest then went to sleep.
I have noticed ... granted I struggle with patience, but more than that I have a hard time just relaxing and letting things move on their own... maybe its the 'Mr Fix it' in me that I really need to watch. I have stopped giving her advice when she talks, in fact I am the STFU Posterboy there, but I think deep down I am still figuring out how Cali 2.0 fits into this new life, trying to get comfortable in the new clothes and wondering when and if this turbulent ocean I have been almost drowning in will ever calm down and level out.
That and oh ... the triggers .. everywhere. the big ones I have addressed. Even some of the new ones I have caught myself creating. I have to take these pills ... twice a day ... in my head I named them OM pills ... I stopped myself a few days ago realizing I was just feeding power to that. I made a joke about em ... they are blue pills... but not the blue boner pills one might guess. Its the smaller triggers and one at a time .. or just maybe two I am ok. Give me 3 little ones and yeah ... I need to take a walk. I know .. time ... so I accept that, process it the best I can and try to remain indifferent about it... much harder than I thought it would be .. though you all warned me it would be.
