Beckyb, I am new to your sitch, what strikes me is that you are worrying about your H when you have no control over him and you are letting your mind runaway with you, probably down some very dark alleys.
Take a moment now and take a deep breath, then let it go slowly. If it hasn't helped do it again until you get some relief and you feel more in control.
You really do need to start the process of detaching (the link to it will be in an early post on your thread by Cadet). There is quite a lot to deal with there so find a chunk that you can embrace today and go work on it, then go back and repeat, by doing this you'll soon find you've come a long way as you will feel so much better.
You also need to work on how you think about things and learn to gently take control of your mind and have it deal with your thoughts so much better than it does currently.
There are many ways to do that, I find Mindfulness (originated and still researched at the University of Oxford, UK) incredibly helpful. It's scientifically proven to help with stress and anxiety and may take a while to help you but when it does you'll feel like a million dollars. When I really started practising it I went from a gibbering, needy wreck to in control, rational and confident about the way forward in a matter of days, maybe a week or two tops.
Whatever you choose to do, good luck and keep posting the people here will undoubtedly help you in your journey no matter where you are in it.
- Nobody has ever learnt anything important from happiness and success; problems make us grow - Consult your plan, not your feelings - If you haven't set goals, how can you expect to achieve anything?
