Finally asking for help:

[Solo15]

Well, I skyped with my W this morning. She talked to the kids. She was really reserved. She wants me and the kids to pick her up from the airport, and then go to our house. She said I could stay the night and we could make a nice breakfast and then play some music with the kids and spend the day together.

I'm nervous and not really looking forward to it. I hate being fake. Being upbeat with her and the kids when my heart is breaking. Whatever. Part of manning up I guess. One day, my life won't hurt like this. I just have to keep reminding myself of that.

I know in the next week there will be a lot of talk with her about her getting a job, getting the kids ready for school, etc. It's going to tax me because we are going to disagree a lot. Gotta brush up on validation and preparing to have answers. Ugh.

I also have to figure out how to say that I don't want to go to the beach with her and her friend with the kids. I just can't do it. She would stay with her friend and I would have to drive down with the kids, get a motel, take care of everything, pay for everything, and then just hang around while they all do whatever. That's not who I am. I won't be a doormat anymore.

Feeling low today, but that just means I'm not detaching enough. Good luck everyone in your difficulties. Thanks for reading and any advice you may have.