have i been making mistaked too long. part 2

[WhyUs]

I saw that video yesterday as well. Do not show it to her. I showed my wife the article whicjh essentially the same. This was befor I even new what DB was. It thrns out she sent it to her SIL and texted "look what he sent me, ridiculous."

Remember, she is not rational. She is in no frame of mind to undedstand right now. When I saw the video yesterday I wanted all her famy to see it. Then I remembered the rules. Do not enlist family members. It seems counterintuitive, but that is what I have to do. I'm going to put faith in the process. What I was doing before did not work. No more cheesess tunnels.

[Huddy]

No, what's done is done, so don't go over it again and again. Don't share your DBing with your W. It's for you. If she knows what you're doing, you're a busted flush. You've got to be secretive about your plans. Remember, it's about you and your actions.

[WhyUs]

I wanted to say this to you yesterday but was not sure I could verbalize it. I'm going to give it a shot.

I am at a stage where I have very little chance to make decisions. That time has passed for me and I hope I will get more chances later. This could be a good thing in the sense that I won't make mistakes.

I would say, that you are at a point where you are still able to make choices that will affect the outcome. Make your choices wisely. Do not make them based on emotion. That is what your wife does--see where that got her.

I wish I had the opportunity to go back to where you are right now. I would follow DB to a "T." I did not have DB at that stage in my sitch. Remember this, there is no going back. Every move you make counts. Take time to understand what you are doing. Use this board and the people on it to help you. I no I do not have the strength or self discipline to do everything right. But the people on this board help me to do the right thing by giving me rational advice.

Your emotions are important in the healing process. However, hurt you when it comes to decision making. If you feel emotional do not make your decision at that time.

Your doing good. Last night is not going to make or break this. I am rooting for you...we all are

[tkdmme]

Thank you all so much for the encouragement. I realize what I did in asking her about the bag was wrong. I cant believe I did it. When she came home I home I had made my mind up that I wouldn't bring it up but before I knew it, it was coming out of my mouth. Like I said earlier it was very calm and controlled so there was no fighting. and when she answered I didn't say anything but ok.

Whyus,
You are right im in the position to make the right choices and I ma getting better at it. Last night was set back, but im not giving up.

So, as for the video, I will not be sharing it with anyone. Im hard headed sometimes but I learned my lesson last night. I will be following the rules to a "T" from this point forward.

I hope all of you are having a great day.

You guys are great!! you have no idea how much I appreciate all of you.

[tkdmme]

Ok, another day is coming to an end and I have to get myself prepared for another uncomfortable night at home. Im thinking about stopping to hit a few golf balls on the way. There is a cool little driving range on my way home. The last time I stopped there I locked my keys in the car. Even something as simple as locking your keys in the car can send me into a pity party these days. Ive tried to avoid the this driving range since that happened. I know, completely stupid!!

I have been reading other threads off and on today and came across one that hit home. They were discussing why the LBS needs to figure out whether he is dealing with WW, WAW, MLC, or a combination. From reading these posts I realized that I have some need to figure that out too. I don't know why but it seems that this would be easier to accept if my W was MLC. After reading the responses from the vets it seems that really doesn't matter at all which one she is. The action we have to take is the same.

[dwh15]

I have been reading other threads off and on today and came across one that hit home. They were discussing why the LBS needs to figure out whether he is dealing with WW, WAW, MLC, or a combination. From reading these posts I realized that I have some need to figure that out too. I don't know why but it seems that this would be easier to accept if my W was MLC. After reading the responses from the vets it seems that really doesn't matter at all which one she is. The action we have to take is the same.

I saw that same thread, and had the same questions. I'm convinced that my W is a WW right now, but I think it may have started as a MLC. But like you said, doesn't really matter much. You do the same stuff regardless. In fact, you sort of hope it's not a MLC, because that tends to take the longest to work through.

[tkdmme]

yep, either way its no fun.

Dwh, Whyus,

I had some down time at work today so I went back and started reading posts from when you guys first started DB. You may or may not know this, but both of you have come a long way. Just the advise yall have given me is proof of that. That is what makes this site such a beautiful thing. I literally read every thing I could find on the internet on this subject when all of this started and passed up DB a couple times. Im not sure why. Anyway, I am so thankful to have found this site and the support group here.

I am going to go home, have a beer, play some banjo, and STFU.
I probably sound like the biggest hillbilly but hey, im from TN. What do you expect.

[WhyUs]

Only song I can play on guitar is Dueling Banjo's. My freinds tell me I should start learning guitar. Problem is I am tone deaf. I wish I could play and sing. Your so lucky to have that talent.

[tkdmme]

Whyus,

Ok, this is where I can repay you for the good advise you and the others have been giving me.
First of all, I would be willing to bet that you are not tone deaf. There are some folks who cant sing a lick but can play instruments. Everyone knows what sounds pleasing to the ear and that's all you need to learn to play guitar or any other instrument for that matter. I may have left out some other requirements. You will need a great amount of patients which is something that everyone on this site seems to struggle with. However, This is a different type of patients. You will also need determination. In learning to play guitar your fingers are going to go through a great deal of trauma. Once you work through the pain you will have finger tips of steel.

Learning an to play an instrument is extremely therapeutic. It is something that you will cherish for the rest of your life. It will never leave you or judge you. you give to it what it needs (the requirements) it will repay you 10 fold.

Going through this situation with my W has been extremely stressful but I have turned to music as one of my GAL techniques. Also music and playing an instrument quiets your mind. I thank God for the gift that he has given me every night before bed. I was fortunate to have grown up in a family of musicians. I cant remember the first time I held a guitar or sat behind a piano. My mother had me playing and singing at church at 5 years old.

Do you have a guitar? if not you can get one relatively cheap 100-200$. Do you have the time to dedicate to it? I would love to return some of the help ive gotten from this site and I feel that I can get you and anyone else going on guitar.

BTW last night went great. The kids had a few melt downs(nothing M or R related) in which I was able to help with. And the best part was I was able to STFU.

Hope you all have a great day.

[WhyUs]

I do not have a guitar anymore. I do remember the fingers hurting when I tried to learn about 10 years ago. I actually have plenty of time to learn right now since the kids are not around very often.

Are a Zac Brown fan. He has a song called Martin that I think you would enjoy. It is definitely worth listening to if you have not.

My neighbor has offered to let me borrow her guitar so maybe I will start there. I bet a can get a decent one from a pawn shop as well.