running around like a chicken without a head

[overcom]

So here's what's been going on in my crazy messy life.
In may when he came back home things were ok. We were working on it. Then in mid June things got weird again. He wasn't coming home and was distancing himself again. We would argue and he would leave and not come back. In July he was robbed and shot and that night I met the other girl. She called me and came over we drove the kids to my parents house and went to the hospital together. It was so awkward. I hated that she was there. After he was released I ran to him and he was so cold with me. He then turned to her and gave her a hug and kiss. I felt so stupid to be there. I felt like the 3rd wheel. Like wtf I'm your wife. Anyway we came home and he left with her. For a week and a half he didn't come home. All I could think about was god gave him another chance to come home and be with his kids but nope. And I thought ok he's made his choice, he wants to be with her. So why isn't he filing for divorce. I've told him that we would file joint custody and split the cost of the divorce. His answer was good luck. 2 weeks ago I did a pregnancy test and I'm now 7 weeks pregnant and devastated because I'm having an abortion on sat. He doesn't want the baby cause he'll know things with her will have to end. So here I am lost in this mess and don't know what to do. I'm so heart broken. .. oh and Aug 19 would be our 9 year anniversary