Sitting and Spinning

[asitis]

Yep. Always remember that nobody tries to make themselves suffer. Nobody tries to make themselves unhappy. They are doing their best, but they don't understand what is going on with them.

Usually, under stress, we devolve back to the core reactive habits we developed by about age 5. These are protective in the primary relationship w/ the parent, but they are the best a 5 year-old can come up with. They helped some, or they wouldn't have been adopted. The problem is for almost all of us, besides being not that effective in the complexities of adult life, we don't even realize that we return to these reflexively to particular R stimuli. You do this, I do this, she does this.

Even when we have figured out through insight & practice, it is really, really hard not to default to these reactive habits. Usually the best we can do is catch ourselves part way through & then work to disrupt the reaction.

It is the way we are wired. Evolutionarily, it helps us to attach & secure the bond w/ our primary caregivers, and this helps increase the chances that we survive to reproductive age & pass on our genes. It is one of the perversities that what helps us survive evolutionarily can leave us a bit f*cked up.

If you really want, you can explore this with yourself. When you do start to see how you do this it is humbling. That is one of the ways compassion for others builds. They're just like me. They may take it to a whole other level, but they struggle w/ this sh*t just like me.