HD, that anger can be useful as fuel to help you change as Cali said but its not helping in those interactions with W. I found when I had the angry spiteful W it was easier for me to force change on myself and better my own life, now that shes nice its much more difficult to detach and focus on me. I know our situations all suck and while they have their similarities they are all different also. I truly hope things improve for you, you deserve a rest from the chaos.
asitis has some very good points above and it may help to try them out.
Something that has continued to help with my anger over the situation is to stop thinking about how it relates to me so much. W is doing her thing and I'm doing mine. What she does is mostly due to whats going on with her and not me, even if its directed at me. Not taking things personal that are very personally directed is difficult, but the truth is this isn't about us.
My W button pushes in a way that makes me react also, or has in the past anyway. Reading a book and talking with my IC/coach gave me some insight into why she might say certain things and why I reacted a certain way. The point was while she may not have realized why she was attacking me, the reasons she was doing it was because of her own insecurities.
If she didn't care for you she would be indifferent to you, not angry. Hurt people hurt people, as Cali would say. She hurting trying to figure herself out, and I would bet shes hurting herself more than anything.
Accept what is, let go of what was, and have faith in what will be
