have i been making mistaked too long. part 2

[WhyUs]

Yeah, its not allowed. I need this board and dang sure dont want to be kicked off.

[tkdmme]

Me too. Take care and thank you so much.

[dwh15]

Ouch on the Victoria's Secret bag. I know it's hard but try not to make assumptions. No way to mind read. She could have been buying a gift for a girlfriend, or whatever. But you should definitely be on the lookout for other signs of an A, just in case. It's rough brother. On the bright side, your W is still living with you. Mine bailed out and moved right in with OM. I've got to deal with my kids spending time with him. So yeah, it could be a lot worse. Hang tough.

[WhyUs]

Hang in there buddy. Your gonna get through this. I'll keep checking the board to make sure you get through the night keeping your cool. Use this place to let those feelings out. I'll be here and so will others. You can do this. It's tough, but you can do it. Tomorrow will be a new day and we can start working on a plan with some of the vets.

[Huddy]

Don't confront. That'll start a war of words and you'll be back in a mess again. Play the long game. Act as if you don't care what she does. Remember, she has to feel as if she is losing you, not the other way around.

[tkdmme]

Ok,

I caved in. It wasn't bad though. I calmly told her that I had found the bag. She said it was a gift from her mother and sister for her birthday which was a couple weeks ago. I said ok and nothing more was said. We got the kids ready for bed and then I went to bed. No fighting or harsh words were exchanged. Also I found the items she bought this morning when I was getting my laundry from the laundry room.

So, this was a fail but not an epic fail. I feel bad that I couldn't just keep my mouth shut but at least it didn't turn into a fight.

I feel like I am getting a lot of help from you guys but I am not helping anyone in return. This is bothering me. Its just that I don't think im in the condition to help.

Thank you all so much for the advise and im sorry that I couldn't take it and use it.

[Huddy]

It might not feel like an epic fail, but to your W you've been snooping. Trust me (experience) that will do nothing but drive a further wedge between you. If you find yourself in that situation again, STFU and walk away.

Remember, distance and detachment, actions not words!

Don't panic, we've all been there.

[tkdmme]

Huddy,

I know you are right. I was just lying to myself in thinking that I didn't screw up. I will have to start all over again.

[tkdmme]

So yes I screwed up. I don't want to beat myself up all day about it. I didn't follow the rules and I was doing so well. Its just when I saw that bag my mind did a back flip and started building scenarios. When she came home I fought and fought with myself until my emotions got the better of me. STFU something im not good at.

BTW, I saw MWD's video on the WAW. I want so badly to show this to me W. I know that im not supposed to let her know about DB but was wondering if that applies to this video. I think maybe it would help her understand why we are where we are. She still thinks that she did everything right and this is all my fault.

[WhyUs]

Ok. That is over. Dont bring it up again. I dont buy her story but it does not matter in your approach right now. Dont look sad today. Be the confident man she was attracted to in the beginning. Fake it if you have to. Dont start snooping. It wont help. Go read Sandi's rules. I read them evey couple of days. They help me understand and stay focused.

Also, read other peoples threads and give advice if you can. It will help you tremendously. You can think without emotion when it comes to other people. This will help you in your own sitch. Also, you will be providing support for others in need. It is a win/win. Even if you dont have much to add it makes others feel. better to know that people care.