You all make sense and I see it and sort of get it. The problem with me is that I for some reason make a positive effort and then take 10 giant steps back.
This kind of Love really hurts. I tell myself, oh you can move forward and do this, but when I see things at the store like the Pediasure Milk always I buy for my boys, or hear the kids behind my house playing sports as my kids did here it hurts so bad.
I'm going to have to start at step 1 again as suggested.
Love hurts.
Please Dear God, if it your will, make my family whole and one again. In Jesus' name I pray.
Two things I found myself shouting at my computer:
1. If you are going to pray, pray to be appreciative for what God has given you, and pray to have the strength that HIS will be done, not yours. Your own will got you here. God's will won't necessarily grant you the family back you want, but it will give you much greater rewards than you can imagine. BELIEVE THIS- If you can't be appreciate with what God has given you, one woman won't change that.
2. You're on a roller coaster. One second giving up, one second desperately praying, one second trying to be the nice guy, one second getting upset. You are talking like she's crazy, but you're being equally crazy here. I get it, it's understandable to be terrified right now, but settle down. Enough with the all or nothing extremes.
Chill a bit. Now's not a good time to make life changing decisions. You're in no spot to "give up", and you're in no spot to take action that you think will help because you've been doing so many things backwards.
Now's a good time to stop talking to her, her friends, and watching what you say around the kids. Be cheerful and stupid. Breathe. Post. Read. Pray. And let a few weeks tick by. On the cosmic clock that is NOTHING. It's the equivalent to counting to 10 when you're upset. And you're clearly upset. So relax and acclimate to your new reality before you make knee jerk reactions that will impact your family.
Hang in there.
Me:38 XW:38 T:11 years M:8 years Kids: S14, D11, D7 BD/Move out day: 6/17/14, D final Dec 15
Now's a good time to stop talking to her, her friends, and watching what you say around the kids. Be cheerful and stupid. Breathe. Post. Read. Pray. And let a few weeks tick by. On the cosmic clock that is NOTHING.
It's the equivalent to counting to 10 when you're upset.
And you're clearly upset. So relax and acclimate to your new reality before you make knee jerk reactions that will impact your family.
Zues/Cadet - I agree completely in the way he should (not) interact with his W.
But unless I'm misreading, she took the kids and moved them an hour and a half away and is completely controlling and limiting custody and visitation. I don't know where he lives, but I'm pretty sure that's not legal. I can't recommend he sit idly for a few weeks without at least CONSULTING a lawyer to understand his rights and make sure he isn't LOSING any RIGHT NOW. Doesn't ean he has to file something yet - but at least a consultation, I think, is necessary.
Zues/Cadet - I agree completely in the way he should (not) interact with his W.
But unless I'm misreading, she took the kids and moved them an hour and a half away and is completely controlling and limiting custody and visitation. I don't know where he lives, but I'm pretty sure that's not legal. I can't recommend he sit idly for a few weeks without at least CONSULTING a lawyer to understand his rights and make sure he isn't LOSING any RIGHT NOW. Doesn't ean he has to file something yet - but at least a consultation, I think, is necessary.
Absolutely - I apologize for not remembering this.
Yes, I have contacted an Attorney and will be scheduling an appointment.
I have decided to move forward and detach lovingly.
I am joined a regular gym for weight training. I joined a circuit training gym the other week. This way I get out, meet more people.
Yesterday, coerced myself to also go to a restaurant/grill to change things up (I don't drink now and usually always just went home straight from work will we were together).
I have been looking for support groups in my area but haven't found any yet.
I feel a little more calmer since I'm rereading all the posts and trusting in the advice.
Nice one fdu, you're taking baby steps and that's all that's needed, just keep taking them and soon you'll realise you've come a long way.
- Nobody has ever learnt anything important from happiness and success; problems make us grow - Consult your plan, not your feelings - If you haven't set goals, how can you expect to achieve anything?
Thats a good start. Made me remember one night I decided rather than go home .. I too went out to a solo dinner. took my sweet arse time eating it and enjoyed a couple ice-teas. Was very strange and surreal but as you probably learned .... I did not die, heck it didn't even hurt.
I will share ... I have been at this for some time, it gets better, there are rocks in the road, its not a smooth ride, but I have learned you can make things easier for yourself, or you can make this as hard and painful as you would like. I can not stress how the GAL's are paramount right now .... and my advice is get one that is a weekly thing a bit out of the norm but constructive. Growth lies beneath all this ... hang in there.
I don't feel like I bought my boys enough school clothes or shoes. Wife and her mom got some (I didn't see them shop). My kids didn't seem too happy with their mom and grandma got them.
...should I reach out to my wife and ask if I can take them shopping or ask what they need, etc?
I need confirmation. I am telling myself I am moving forward trying to let go hope on if we will ever get back together. I'm detaching. I'm working on myself but is it normal to keep thinking about how things were with my boys and me coaching them 6 days a week and now since they have moved away I won't be able to do it logistically?
I am a Great Dad and wonderful father. My closeness with my boys won't be the same.
