You keep asking, so I will tell you........yes, she thinks you are an idiot! The fact she can have you pick up her BC pills, tell you some bs story, plus fill in info about OM's kiss........and your reaction is to have ANOTHER TALK.........pretty much says it for her.
No more talk! Don't you realize one reason she doesn't respect you is b/c you have continued to put up with her sh't? You have given the same excuses over and over again. Seriously, go back and read them for yourself.
Call it what it is........Fear. Fear is what has really prevented you from moving out. She sees the fear. It turns her off. She is lying and planning to sleep with OM. What is there to talk about that has not already been said? You have talked this thing to death. What has it solved? If you had left the last time, I think it would have been very affective. But frankly, I think it is you who's terrified of leaving, instead of her.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
You keep asking, so I will tell you........yes, she thinks you are an idiot! The fact she can have you pick up her BC pills, tell you some bs story, plus fill in info about OM's kiss........and your reaction is to have ANOTHER TALK.........pretty much says it for her.
No more talk! Don't you realize one reason she doesn't respect you is b/c you have continued to put up with her sh't? You have given the same excuses over and over again. Seriously, go back and read them for yourself.
Call it what it is........Fear. Fear is what has really prevented you from moving out. She sees the fear. It turns her off. She is lying and planning to sleep with OM. What is there to talk about that has not already been said? You have talked this thing to death. What has it solved? If you had left the last time, I think it would have been very affective. But frankly, I think it is you who's terrified of leaving, instead of her.
NH, I read all your posts but have never commented. But...wow...come on NH, it's time. Sandi nailed this above, listen to her for heavens sake. There's a Tom Petty song with the lyrics "I'll probably feel a whole lot better when you're gone". NH, you are going to feel a whole lot better when you find some self respect and take some action.
Thanks Sandi and SunnyB, and yes...it's fear. But she keeps pushing my limits. Things have not improved with her an OM over these past few months....maybe they did cool off for a while but the last visit, plus the BC pills, are telling me they're starting up again. This can't continue.
She needs a reality sandwich....and I need some solitude so I can think this M through.
Last edited by NH115; 08/12/1510:00 PM.
Ex Rzrback Me 43 Her 44 D11, D15 T21, M19 BD 9/9/2014 Piecing
Sometimes if you want to see a change for the better, you have to take things into your own hands - Clint Eastwood
"She needs a reality sandwich....and I need some solitude so I can think this M through"
I agree NH - you don't need a big talk right now. I think you just need to do what you have to do.....so what's your plan my friend? We are all here to help and support, and only want the best for you. xx
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
NH - I get the fear of action, I really do and have done that. But with this last turn of events, now is the time to act - IMO.
I have gone through this - kicked in the nuts with actions just like you have experienced (interaction w/ OM, discovery of BCP with a similar story to explain them, and on and on) and I waited to act. Then, I waited too long, it got too late to act and didn't seem appropriate because WW was on an up-cycle of being nice again and covering things up again.
You know now is the time to be fair to yourself and to act.
-you'll probably feel a whole lot better when she's gone- (thanks for that again sunny)
I am sorry you are going through this.
U-turn
Me-45 W-44 S21, S18, D15 T-27, M-21 BD Jan 2014 PA revealed March 2014 In-house separation - April 2015 I filed - Aug 2015 She moved out Oct 2015
Down to you, I know nilch about piecing and even less about BC.
But if this is what it says on the tin, it's unprotected sex and it's risky. Where are the condoms?
If it were me and it was not so long ago, I would get tested and make a big deal out of it. Insist she does too. The unnecessary mention of infection. It's a huge Pink elephant for me. Pink Elephants are the unnecessary negatives that clutter your conversation and meaning, sending out the wrong signals to anyone you communicate with.
And if the UK wasn't too far, I have a spare room with wifi.
V
Last edited by Vanilla; 08/14/1507:31 PM.
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
NH...just sending positive thoughts and prayers your way, my friend. I live in SW AR, so it would be a pretty good commute to work for you to go to NWA, but Molly and I are always up for a roommate if you change your mind.
Hang in there my friend and make a plan to get out SOON to preserve your own sanity. Will continue to keep you in my prayers as you deal with all of this.
Me 52, H53 Bomb drop 9/29/2014 Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014 Marriage #2 12/31/2019 5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships) 6 grandkids
The move-out has not happened exactly as soon as I expected but it's still in the works.
Thanks Dawn! I've been that way many many times. Too bad my company doesn't have any facilities down that way. I'm up for a change of scenery!!!
V, I have been tested before, just for sanity's sake. She hasn't actually started the pills yet, and we haven't had sex in months (too hard for her, she says). I really still don't think that there's been any actual sex between them...his visits are too infrequent and the window of opportunity has been way too small. She's been able to account for her whereabouts every time he's been in town. Either she's the most masterful liar on the planet or she was telling the truth about the BC pills...that they were her doctor's idea to regulate her cycle.
Even though I believe she is telling the truth in this situation, it doesn't change the larger dynamics at work here. She's too wrapped up in herself to have room for me, and she expects me to wait with bated breath until she feels better about our M. It doesn't work that way.
Last edited by NH115; 08/14/1508:20 PM.
Ex Rzrback Me 43 Her 44 D11, D15 T21, M19 BD 9/9/2014 Piecing
Sometimes if you want to see a change for the better, you have to take things into your own hands - Clint Eastwood
