Thanks. Really hard urge not to contact her after seeing her today. I cut it as soon as we finished and that was wise.
Her biggest fear is that I'm gay, which is so far from reality.. Also resisting the urge to try and clarify that to her.. But I guess I tried and she doesn't believe me anymore
Last edited by ohgosh; 08/12/1506:19 PM.
Me: 29, wife: 29 Been together 6 years. Married June 13 (2years) Separation: 22/6/15 W stopped wearing wedding ring 30/6/15
Feeling more in control of the situation by not initiating contact today but it is HARD as hell.
Some small wins today: - did not initiate physical contact even when she wanted me to but didn't initiate herself
- didn't bring up the relationship - left on my own time due to my plans.
Places to improve: - was not in a good mood because I didn't take care of myself in the morning - was angry and bitter most of the time in the beginning
Thinking of starting to pack my things here so that she sees I'm not hoping her to turn around from her decision when she gets back here tomorrow
Me: 29, wife: 29 Been together 6 years. Married June 13 (2years) Separation: 22/6/15 W stopped wearing wedding ring 30/6/15
Ohgosh - I wouldn't base your actions on what you hope she sees or doesn't see, feels or doesn't feel, expects or doesn't expect. If you want to pack, do it. But do it based on YOU.
What AZ says. In fact, it is better if you focus on doing this stuff when she's not looking and make it a habit. Then it comes off more naturally & w/ credibility. Also, seeing you interact w/ other people in ways that address problems raised is another way to show w/ credibility, so practice improving any shortcomings that are appropriate w/ everyone else. Good R skills are good R skills.
And on the thinking you are gay issue, you won't be able to change her mind on that until she is through w/ some of the mess she has to figure out for herself. Of course, if you want to start thinking through how to address that concern, whenever you're ready.
Me: 50 W:43 S6, S3 M: 12 yrs. T: 17 M is bad & Not happy Bomb Mar '14 S 5 Feb '15 D Bomb 13 Apr '15 (but "no hurry") DB Coach May '15 Wants proceed on D Aug '15 Starting 1-on-1 negotiations Sept '15
The worst thing is that she'll find someone else, yes thats my biggest fear but I realise its out of my hands.
Anyway today we met again and i was faced head-on with the fact we really do need some space away from eachother to work on ourselves.
Too much baggage between us right now, I can only stand her negativity directed at me for so long before I get upset as well - It's impossible to withstand it for too long.
In the end we hugged for a long time and it was nice, but that's it I really need to move on for a bit.. so focused on getting this to resolve ASAP through survival mode that I'm not giving it the time it needs.
Another big fear of mine is the fear of failure - of having to admit to everyone in my family and hers that we failed. Her family loves me so much and mine loves her so much it is just too painful for me to think about it.
Also the more this goes on the more I remember why I ended up mistreating her during these years - except the fact that I was unhappy with myself and not doing the work I need to do (this I can work on) there were things severely troubling me in the relationship and perhaps I can use these as a method of detaching and actually figuring out that perhaps this isn't the best relationship I can get, perhaps it is best that we split up while we're young and go on to something more suitable.
Too many thoughts, but at this present time I'm feeling more serene.
Last edited by ohgosh; 08/13/1502:23 PM.
Me: 29, wife: 29 Been together 6 years. Married June 13 (2years) Separation: 22/6/15 W stopped wearing wedding ring 30/6/15
