I feel you. I went back and forth with my own head, wondering what H's thoughts were, esp as he was claiming to certain people that I was the one that wanted the D. (No! Must try to talk with him about this! Must reach out!...barf)
Remember you're not responsible for his feelings or actions and these are big boys. And the advice I intend to take next time - "he's gotta love you a little more than you love him if it's gonna work"
I know it's torturous to wonder if you're missing out an opportunity to bring them back, like deep down they want to be back? I get it.
Just keep being you, authentically, I think. If it's enough to draw him all the way back, then you guys can start there, and I imagine he'd speak up for himself, but don't you dare to the work for him after he's made this mess!
But, with that said, I think an ex (especially one that built a family) will always be a draw for comfort, ego, curiosity - try to not torture yourself dear lady.
Mid 30's Psych-abusive M with violent tantrums from XH D 9/15; NC forever on
