Next year is going to be another interesting one. I'm considering selling most of my stuff (I don't have much any more), packing up my car and driving across country to get material for the book.
Was thinking about this yesterday when reading your letters, how will this work with whatever agreement you two figure out with Woofie? I suppose it would mostly depend on how long you would be traveling.
Thanks for stopping by Fogg. I know this sounds a bit contradictory, to be fighting for my dog when I have a thought of traveling.
My next year's plans are so fluid, and are open to a few things coming together or not between now and the end of this year. What I'm fighting for more than just the possession of Woofie, is to be included in the decisions about him.
Truly, with complete sincerity, if my situation becomes one where I will be on the road, or living in a place that is less advantageous for him than with my W, I will hand him over to her with my blessing.
As of now it has been decided that it's better for him (it was a completely altruistic decision on her part...so she says) that he stays with her. Go figure. I was not included in any kind of discussion about this, nor did I have any weight in the decision. That is really what I am asking for.
That and to have a schedule to see him until my situation next year becomes clearer. I really see it as a win/win for everyone involved until the end of the year when we may have to reassess.
PP
M 39 W 36 T5 M3 BD - 1/15 Separated - Same Day Served 9/15 D finalized 6/17
That makes sense and I don't see anything wrong with that. If you care for the dog and it's been apart of your life you have every right to be apart of those decisions also. W should respect that and it is a shame she feels entitled to make that decision without you. I hope things do work out so that everyone is happy.
Accept what is, let go of what was, and have faith in what will be
I appreciate you seeing this from my side and acknowledging how painful it’s been for me to be without Woofie. It’s been over 4 months without him so I’m excited to see him this weekend.
You are correct in us not seeing eye to eye on Woofie, because this is an emotional topic, emotions are inevitably going to get involved in deciding “where he would be happiest”. We both LOVE him and adore him. It’s acceptable to admit that is a huge part of our decision. To say otherwise would be disingenuous and deny our humanity. I know you love and want to have him stay with you. I do too. I won’t deny that part of you.
However the process is mystifying to me as you appear to want to hold all the cards in clearly defining “what is best for Woofie”. How does that help the healing process and/or keep open the lines of communication? Decisions about Woofie should be made as a partnership, not a monopoly.
I do not want our friendship to be forever altered over how we handle Woofie. To do so dishonors the loving, fair, and high level integrity with which we’ve both conducted our separation thus far.
Woofie and I are going to have a blast this weekend, I've got a full day lined up for him!
Thanks, PP 1.75 but getting closer to 2.0 with every email.
Any thoughts on this Wonka?
Thanks!
PP
M 39 W 36 T5 M3 BD - 1/15 Separated - Same Day Served 9/15 D finalized 6/17
I was slammed with travel and work over the past two days. Just trying to get my equilibrium back now.
Let's take a look at the second draft here.
Hi W,
I appreciate you seeing this from my side and acknowledging how painful it’s been for me to be without Woofie. It’s been over 4 months without him so I’m excited to see him this weekend.
You are correct in us not seeing eye to eye on Woofie, because this is an emotional topic, emotions are inevitably going to get involved in deciding “where he would be happiest”. You don't want to get stuck on this part...deciding where Woofie would be happiest. Of course, you say yours...and W says hers. It's a no win stalemate. We both LOVE him and adore him. It’s acceptable to admit that is a huge part of our decision. To say otherwise would be disingenuous and deny our humanity.Too wordy. Too superfluous.[color:#3366FF] Neccessary??[/color]I know you love and want to have him stay with you. I do too. I won’t deny that part of you.
However the process is mystifying to me as you appear to want to hold all the cards in clearly defining “what is best for Woofie”. Again, you two are at loggerheads on this part. Drop the "best for Woofie" angle. You want to focus on "defining a shared responsibility for Woofie when I think differently." How does that help the healing process and/or keep open the lines of communication? Decisions about Woofie should be made as a partnership, not a monopoly.
I do not want our friendship to be forever altered over how we handle Woofie. Huh??! Your friendship is already forever altered. Nothing you can do about it. Also, how is this line helpful in getting W to the table about Woofie? To do so dishonors the loving, fair, and high level integrity with which we’ve both conducted our separation thus far. Grrr...it's that 'integrity' word again. I would simply change it out to respect. Again, how is this helpful?? Why bring up "separation"? Why would you want to reinforce it in W's mind when you don't want a D?
Woofie and I are going to have a blast this weekend, I've got a full day lined up for him! What time would be good for me to swing by and pick him up?
Thanks, PP
One final note here: I do not see any emphasis on your desire for a shared custody of Woofie. You really need to be consistent and firm on that particular point to W so she knows you mean serious business thus the unspoken inference that you are not settling for crumbs from her.
One final note here: I do not see any emphasis on your desire for a shared custody of Woofie. You really need to be consistent and firm on that particular point to W so she knows you mean serious business thus the unspoken inference that you are not settling for crumbs from her.
I believe that was what I was trying to do with telling her I would like to keep him for the week and drop him off next weekend. I see how that wasn't the right time to start it though. Baby steps. I'd like to have him this weekend, and then can pick him up next weekend when I'm in town.
Will work it into the next iteration.
Thanks again Wonka, are we allowed to send flowers or something to the vets on here? Serious question.
Hell, I'll even send Mr. Bond some flowers with a card with one extraordinarily poignant sentence written on it.
Last edited by PigPen; 08/13/1510:53 PM.
M 39 W 36 T5 M3 BD - 1/15 Separated - Same Day Served 9/15 D finalized 6/17
How about this Wonka? I see all of your points from above, I write what I think and still believe that's where the issue lies. Even though what I'm putting down on here has gone through the "don't say that filter" about 20 times beforehand.
"Hi W,
I appreciate you seeing this from my side and acknowledging how painful it’s been for me to be without Woofie. It’s been over 4 months that I've been without him so I’m excited to see him this weekend.
You are also correct in us not seeing eye to eye on Woofie because this is an extremely emotional decision. We both LOVE him and ADORE him. I know you love and want to have him stay with you. I do too. I won’t deny that part of you.
However the process is mystifying to me as you appear to want to hold all the cards in making decisions around Woofie. How does that help our healing process and/or keep open the lines of communication? Decisions about Woofie should be made as a partnership, not a monopoly. To do otherwise dishonors the loving, fair, and respectful ways with which we’ve both conducted our entire relationship.
I still believe that the best option for all three of us is to split the time with him and to come up with an equitable schedule together – with equal time with Woofie for each of us.
Woofie and I are going to have a blast this weekend, I've got a full day lined up for him! What is the best time to pick him up?
Thanks, PP
M 39 W 36 T5 M3 BD - 1/15 Separated - Same Day Served 9/15 D finalized 6/17
I appreciate you seeing this from my side and acknowledging how painful it’s been for me to be without Woofie. It’s been over 4 months that I've been without him so I’m excited to see him this weekend.
You are also correct in us not seeing eye to eye on Woofie because this is an extremely emotional decision. We both LOVE him and ADORE him. I know you love and want to have him stay with you. I do too. I won’t deny that part of you.
However the process is mystifying to me as you appear to want to hold all the cards in making decisions around Woofie. How does that help our healing process and/or keep open the lines of communication? Decisions about Woofie should be made as a partnership, not a monopoly. To do otherwise dishonors the loving, fair, and respectful ways with which we’ve both conducted our entire relationship.
I still believe that the best option for all three of us is to split the time withshare custody of him and to come up with an equitable schedule together – with equal time with Woofie for each of us. [you don't want to say "split time" for that will be all W will latch onto and say it's not good idea to "split" Woofie. I know, I know. We do need to parse words with the WAS if you want a collaborative effort that will draw them to the table]
Woofie and I are going to have a blast this weekend, I've got a full day lined up for him! What is the best time to pick him up?
Thank you for the lovely flowers and hug! What a great way to start the weekend.
A few tips and pep talk here before you see your W for the dog switcheroo.
-W may rope into a talk about "closure" -You would want to read up the Validation Cheat Sheet as a refreshner -You want to be nicely dressed in your best casual clothes that is appropriate for outdoor activity with the dog -Be well groomed and look neat -PMA...fake it if you need to do so -If the interaction is a positive one, then you may mention to her that you'll be in her town next weekend and would love to take Woofie out (use this when you drop Woofie back to W)
Best of all, you can use this fail safe line: "I would do many things differently having learned some things over the past several months. I can only focus on what I can do at the moment: me. I am now 205 days sober. I am very proud of this achievement." Smile softly.
