MLC SEPERATED AND NO CHANGE PART 3

[asitis]

You want him to make sense all of a sudden?

Testing, testing, 1,2,3. My guess guess he is testing to see if he can have the D and still keep his family intact and you taking care of some of his needs for stability, comfort, and normality. You are his rock of normality. Just remember that as you cut the cord more and more. It may be this that wakes him up.

Glad you were not going to be there. I can't remember if he takes S so you can get out, but if not, that is a golden opportunity to say, "No, we're going to be out, but it would be great if you could take S next Tuesday so I can get out to do some things w/ friends."

It also really is time for some boundaries. "Here are the days you take S. The days you don't have S, you can ask for him, but if I agree, you take him out rather than coming to hang around the house. I'll do the same."

If he objects, you can reply that this is how it will be in D and you aren't comfortable w/ him being around in the house. You also want S to have as much contact w/ his D because that is best for S, but this needs to start transitioning to the future normal routine.

He thinks D is a good option because he is getting everything he wants. Freedom, ability to drop in mostly on his schedule and needs, and access to everyone when he wants. That's MLC heaven right there.

I know you've been moving to more assertiveness and boundaries already, but my experience is that when we start this is when we realize just how much we've been either pursuing or allowing cake eating, or facilitating bad behavior, etc. It is a process of doing step one, then realizing, that there are still things to do to curtail the dynamic, which leads to step 2. As it says on shampoo bottles, "Wash, rinse, repeat."

Good luck & enjoy your evening w/ your son wo/ H stopping by!