Hi Cali, I'm sorry you had a backslide. I think the work, life, family balance is an important area - and maybe one to pick up in your homework and 'bigger' talks about how you both want things to be going forward.
I'm conscious that your W is just a few days into the job and just finding her feet. I can see that she would want to make a good impression there, and may feel excited about a new opportunity. Without checking way back - was there something to do with OM all tied up with the old job?? I just wondered if that had touched a nerve because of this - or is it more just (and I don't mean to minimise) putting you and S first?
As we talked..I did recognize its is a new job and I know she wanted to make a good first impression. Totally understand that and I was honestly surprised at my reaction .. I was NEVER like that before. And as we talked ... just as you mentioned ... yeah the OM thing did come up. Its nothing to do with him, not in the present tense ... its more about where I feel I am in all this... again fighting that feeling of being the back up and not choice #1.
Originally Posted By: Sotto
Your fears are understandable, and are yours to own and work on I think. It sounded as though your mind went at about a million miles an hour - and when this happens it is good to recognise and accept the probable irrationality of your thoughts. You'll recall I'm particularly strong in this area!!
I think it all adds up to the fact that you are both sensitised about this change in working arrangements.....and possibly about the speed things are moving? A few people have mentioned this Cali - and I wonder whether it is worth taking a couple of steps back & spending some time at your 'other place?' It may help you regain your Calimojo, and perhaps your W will feel more able to 'breathe.' It neededn't change the path you are both on, but you can sit back and smell the roses more together without having to face all these things so soon?
I worry for you that the pressure may build so much that you will be 'done' - or your W will be - when you guys have made loads of progress...
Anyway, just my 0.2c and I hope it helps a little. xx
I just think its more about getting used to the new 'normal' whatever the H#LL that looks like now. Things are just all over the place. 2 more weeks of S in camp which is throwing both her and my commutes off ... then we have our 1st family vacation trip in 5 years coming up. After that .. S goes back to school, things should settle down by then. I have to give notice in 2 weeks on my place .. and yeah .. maybe it appears to be going fast ... but looking at it .. she 'committed' to the M in March, took about 3 months and we slowly started spending nights ... that went another 2 months before we discussed moving back in with each other. Maybe fast but does not feel like it to me.
She did TM telling me she hoped I had a good day ... I returned with the same ... then she went on to tell me to watch out for police, she and 5 others got stopped ... speed trap.. her first ticket ever.
So things will be touch and go... there are going to be bumps and this is one of them. I need to figure out some strategy for when I get all spun up and as late suggested ... just tell W I need to go for a ride and clear my head ... I think that's probably a very good solution for all this because the Bike really does help there.
