My lizard and her tunnel ...

[late30s]

So upset with myself right now. Yesterday I dropped off D12. Wife has started a new job as a waitress, we met at her workplace. She was excited to see me. Asked me to come inside so she could buy me a beer. I accepted. She also bought dinner. It was nice, I appreciated the gesture. So in my all-knowing wisdom, I decided it would be a good time to talk about some R stuff afterwards.

By and large our R talks have been limited to how I have contributed to our current position, but in another stroke of genius, I decided to start discussing things I want to see from a future relationship. She was no where near ready to hear any of this. All I managed to do was to push her further away.

I'm furious with myself. I have been doing a good job of detaching and giving her space. I have seen steps in the right direction. So I take a few baby steps and decide it is a good time to LEAP ahead. At this point I am backing way off and cursing myself.

So frustrated with the backsliding. I have seen real progress in my relationship with her. So I mess things up.

Sorry -- journaling / venting.

Hope everyone is having a good week.