I am trying to be a better wife, and part of that is understanding his needs, being a better listener, etc. So, to answer your question, I think yes. I know I'm not great at it (yet) but I know there has been a difference. I dunno if he can tell. I want a holy, good, healthy marriage. So does he. Beyond that, I want to *know* some things (yeah, I get that I may never know them and I even get that I don't *need* it necessarily). I want all this to be in the past and not in the way of moving forward. I want him to love me and never do anything like this again. But again, I also know that may never happen and he cannot guarantee anything. The anger is a lot less. Maybe even gone. Hurt remains, but I think that's because we are not really moving forward, or if we are it's a matter of millimeters and not more. Can you explain what you mean by using it as a shield? I know I cannot use it as a sword - that was my mistake in the past.
Me: 42, H: 38 Married: 12 years (second M for me) 14D, 9D 2015 EA (PA??), porn addict, *pastor/counselor* MLC
At a counselor, he said he wanted the marriage but not to work on himself w/a IC. Piecing?
Yes, that is not my advice but something I too was told by a very wise man...
BTW, get in touch...important happenings...
K,
Sorry for the hijack...
Lets see...
Anger is often hurt disguising itself. Usually the outward projection of overwhelming feelings (the sword).
Instead of putting it out there, arguments, attacks, etc...harness it, use it as a barrier so to speak, to protect yourself from more hurt and from being reactive. Until you have the anger no more.
"Acceptance doesn't mean resignation. It means understanding that something is what it is and there's got to be a way through it."--Michael J. Fox
