New post (was MLC w/EA possible PA) and confused.

[kyrie]

I am trying to be a better wife, and part of that is understanding his needs, being a better listener, etc. So, to answer your question, I think yes. I know I'm not great at it (yet) but I know there has been a difference. I dunno if he can tell.
I want a holy, good, healthy marriage. So does he. Beyond that, I want to *know* some things (yeah, I get that I may never know them and I even get that I don't *need* it necessarily). I want all this to be in the past and not in the way of moving forward. I want him to love me and never do anything like this again. But again, I also know that may never happen and he cannot guarantee anything.
The anger is a lot less. Maybe even gone. Hurt remains, but I think that's because we are not really moving forward, or if we are it's a matter of millimeters and not more.
Can you explain what you mean by using it as a shield? I know I cannot use it as a sword - that was my mistake in the past.