Difrent's Detachment - Attempts at It, Anyway

[DifRent]

Whew. Whirlwind? Roller coaster? Whatever you call it, I'm determined to ride it to its conclusion, but I wish it would end soon!

Cali, Ep, Bob, Pigpen... thanks for the encouragement. I do feel like I'm in a different place. The sadness washes over me in big waves now, but I can come up for air. And... I see a thin light of hope at the end of the long dark tunnel.

WW never did come over yesterday to make pizza. Never even said she wasn't coming, but I suspected that might happen since she left the door open for "another time." Had a great evening grilling steaks and spending time with the kids, and she was, I'm sure, missing the OW who is away on a trip till tomorrow.

They are "so in love," and "can't live without you," you know...

My plans for this afternoon and evening were pretty swamped, but my evening divorce support group plans were unexpectedly canceled. I don't know if I should have done this, but I texted my WW to let her know I was free, if she was still up for pizza, her call. She texted back to say she would be over to do that - would the boys be there?

Nope, just us.

I drove through a wicked storm and got home an hour after she said she'd be available. She was only just making the dough for the crust, in her pajamas (new pajamas, mind you, never seen these before). Asking me all kinds of questions about the job, about the kids, about that friend she ran into at the grocery story last weekend (you know, the one who wanted to unload on her but didn't... WW said she looked "rough"... haha)...

Anyway, we started talking about the Republican debate the other night, and I said to her, "You know, I'm always right..." (meaning I'm always right about each party's eventual nominee...) and she said, "Oh yeah, you're always right, you're so passive aggressive..."

I gave her a funny look. "I'm wrong about a ton of things. I just always seem to predict the presidential nominees."

"Oh," she said. "Well, I've only known you for..."

"Five and a half years," I said. An attempt to somehow de-legitimize our relationship, I think. I frankly don't even think she knows what "passive aggressive" means... not a knock. She's a native Albanian.

As the pizza started baking, she went upstairs to our office to work. "If I sent you a listing description," she asked, "would you fix it?"

Ah, my old job.

"Of course," I said. Then went to check on the pizza.

When dinner was ready, we went out on the porch to watch the ominous clouds while we ate. Oh, and while she spent half an hour talking about all her real estate deals, and how much she loves it, but also how frustrating it is. I listened. And listened. And even listened when she said her nieces (from Albania) would be here toward the end of September, and how she hoped her new "pad" ("aka hood apartment in the projects") would be ready by then, but if not, they could stay here.

And of course they could. I love her nieces. They consider me their aunt. They've stayed here before several times, at least one with just me, not the WW. Now sure how the WW is breaking this news to her family, exactly...

All was well, and then she said she had to leave (even in her pj's), to go take care of the dogs. "Sounds like fun," I said. She gave me a knowing laugh, but countered, "they're cute, actually."

She looked around the porch. "You know, I just can't afford this place anymore."

"No," I said... knowing her real estate deals weren't actually amounting to much. "But WE could have." Meaning, me with a job, instead of me helping her with her business.

"I just got tired," she said. "That's all."

I smiled. "It's too bad you never gave me a chance," I said.

"You'll always say that," she countered.

"Hey, just get to your destination safely, okay? Text me when you get there, so I know you got there safely. And thanks for dinner tonight. It was wonderful, as always."

And that... was that.

I have to say... such mixed feelings about leaving this house. I am eager on the one hand to get out. But on the other? So many memories. This was OUR home. If I'm the lighthouse I'm trying to be, I'm only going to be lighting her way back to me, and to her faith. Not to our home. As of October, this place is done...

Except... she is leasing it, not selling it...

So, who knows.

Any thoughts from the group? I'm going to pray, and I'm going to bed.