Well that was torture. H hates me. He can put a really horrible spin on anything and everything I do or say. Every single thing. Apparently every single interaction we have is demeaning and diminishing and nasty to him. Things I remember as positive or neutral, he remembers as big blow ups and nasty remarks????? There is no benefit of the doubt, no kindness, no love at all in his words, he just purely hates me.
I say "I am having a hard time maintaining a positive attitude when he is still talking to OW and barely speaking with me" and that is responded to with "W said this and that and this and that in a nasty tone and she used wild hand gestures and did this 10 years ago and said this 4 years ago, and will never change." And I am sitting there with tears dripping down my face thinking "what the heck is he even talking about? this is so not reality?"
I just kept saying, I will try to look at it that way, I am sorry if I wasn't mindful of my tone, That must be hard for you, etc, etc, etc..... and then there is a silence and he launches into some other example of the wrongs I committed against him.
The counselor summed it up by saying H needs to check in and talk to me, and I need to take care of myself emotionally. So what does that mean? I thought I was taking care of myself emotionally. Is it wrong to want to connect with my H? I have so many friends, faith, a good relationship with my children, I keep busy, have hobbies, go to IC, what else can I be doing to take care of my own emotional needs?
