PP's New Adventure (5) - Filing & Moving Forward

[Wonka]

PP,

It is a positive that W responded to you and acknowledged your hurt over not seeing Woofie. That's a first for W. A baby step, if you will.

Your next step is to re-read my communications with Ms. Wonka in my old Pretty in Pink thread. I seriously think it's high time that you "rip off" some of the script that I used on Ms. Wonka about friendship being not a monopoly. Seriously. I do see a lot of parallels between our convo and the so-called Mexican stand-off on Woofie.

I would re-work the draft and "borrow" some lines from my email response to Ms. Wonka. This is now a PERFECT time to do so and you must do it before the weekend rolls around. Seriously. WTF about having you "dogsit" Woofie for one measly day!!??! And "closure" as in never seeing Woofie ever again? Again...WTF???

I am ready on standby to assist you with this process.

[Wonka]

Nuh, nope....I went back and re-read W's email more closely. I was wrong on one count. I now realize the "closure" she is alluding to here is divorce. Oy vey! sigh

[PigPen]

Thank you Wonka, I'm on it. Will post an update soon.

Appreciate your time and effort.

Big hug,

PP

[PigPen]

Here's my rough draft Wonka. Your writing is (censored) amazing. Reading it just makes me want to shut up and listen.



Hi W,

I appreciate you seeing this from my perspective and acknowledging how painful it’s been for me to be without Woofie. It’s been over 4 months without him so I’m excited to see him this weekend.

You are correct in us not seeing eye to eye on Woofie. That is because this is an emotional topic, not one based around the extremely subjective facts of “where he would be happiest”. We both LOVE him and adore him. It’s acceptable to admit that is a huge part of our decision. To say otherwise would be disingenuous and deny our humanity. I know you love him and want to have him stay with you. I do too. I won’t deny that part of you.

However the process is mystifying to me as you appear to want to hold all the cards in clearly defining “what is best for Woofie” and then enact that decision. How does that help the healing process and/or keep open up the lines of communication? Decisions about Woofie should be made as a partnership, not a monopoly.

I do not want our friendship to be forever altered by unilateral decisions that benefit the decision maker at the expense of the other. That’s neither loving, fair, nor in the high integrity spirit that we’ve conducted our separation thus far.

While I am excited to spend the day with Woofie this weekend, I would like to have him stay with me for the week. I can bring him back down to W’s City on next Saturday and drop him off before the EVENT.

Thanks,
PP 2.0

[Bob723]

Hi PP 2.0,

I wanted to say “Hello!” and let you know you are in my thoughts and prayers.

Hang in there buddy...things will get better.

Bob

[Wonka]

PP,

Please know that I am thinking about this latest development and turning things around in my head. Still trying to find a balanced approach here. When I am good and ready to give some ideas and guidance, I'll be back. Soon.

Here are some general comments about your draft:

Hi W,

I appreciate you seeing this from my perspective and acknowledging how painful it’s been for me to be without Woofie. It’s been over 4 months without him so I’m excited to see him this weekend.

You are correct in us not seeing eye to eye on Woofie. That is because this is an emotional topic, not one based around the extremely subjective facts of “where he would be happiest”. Careful of throwing in "subjective facts" for they run counter against each other...subjective and facts??! Is this sentence helpful? Is it necessary? We both LOVE him and adore him. It’s acceptable to admit that is a huge part of our decision. To say otherwise would be disingenuous and deny our humanity. I know you love him and want to have him stay with you. I do too. I won’t deny that part of you.

However the process is mystifying to me as you appear to want to hold all the cards in clearly defining “what is best for Woofie” and then enact that decision the last part sounds like blame...making her out to be the 'bad guy' here. How does that help the healing process and/or keep open up the lines of communication? Decisions about Woofie should be made as a partnership, not a monopoly.

I do not want our friendship to be forever altered by unilateral decisions that benefit the decision maker at the expense of the other. Huh? You lost me. There are several topics all mushed together. This is confusing. Plus using the world "unilateral decisions" will not get you closer to the goal. In fact, it will repel W. That’s neither loving, fair, nor in the high integrity spirit that we’ve conducted our separation thus far. I would be very, very careful of using the word "integrity" here because it infers that W isn't a person of integrity. Hmmmmmm...do you see what I mean here?

While I am excited to spend the day with Woofie this weekend, I would like to have him stay with me for the week. I can bring him back down to W’s City on next Saturday and drop him off before the EVENT. She gives you an inch and you're grabbing it for a mile. Choose your battles wisely. This isn't the time nor place to do so. It is an ambush...really.

[PigPen]

Thank you Wonka, I see your points on all levels here. You're right, I'm trying to 2x4 her a bit and let her know that keeping him has been BS and she knows it on some level.

I'll back off. My thought for keeping him for the week was to stand my ground. It's less than the 2 week schedule I kept asking for but also practical as she will be here this weekend and I'll be driving through her town next weekend. It will also show that he's just fine living with me for a week. She's had him for four months, if this were a child I wouldn't have to be making email requests and while I know he's not human, he is to me.

I want to argue with you on all of your points about my W, because I believe they are true. She hasn't acted with integrity over the dog, has made unilateral decisions and has been manipulative and controlling, but I know, this is DB'ing, not Who's Right and Who's Wrong'ing.

I'll rewrite it and post it next. I may need to sulk for a minute first.

With thanks,

PP

[PigPen]

Here's round 2 Wonka.

Hi W,

I appreciate you seeing this from my side and acknowledging how painful it’s been for me to be without Woofie. It’s been over 4 months without him so I’m excited to see him this weekend.

You are correct in us not seeing eye to eye on Woofie. That is because this is an emotional topic, emotions are inevitably going to get involved in deciding “where he would be happiest”. We both LOVE him and adore him. It’s acceptable to admit that is a huge part of our decision. To say otherwise would be disingenuous and deny our humanity. I know you love and want to have him stay with you. I do too. I won’t deny that part of you.

However the process is mystifying to me as you appear to want to hold all the cards in clearly defining “what is best for Woofie”. How does that help the healing process and/or keep open up the lines of communication? Decisions about Woofie should be made as is a partnership, not a monopoly.

I do not want our friendship to be forever altered over how we handle Woofie. To do so dishonors the loving, fair, and high integrity with which we’ve both conducted our separation thus far.

Woofie and I are going to have a blast this weekend, I've got a full day lined up for him!

Thanks,
PP 1.75 but getting closer to 2.0 with every email.

[PigPen]

Just came across a passage in the book Reinventing Yourself that I thought might be helpful for us in DB land.

"You can experience first-hand the wisdom of Ghandi's advice to "be the change you wish to see in others." You can learn to notice when you are trying to get happiness for yourself by changing others (this sounds like those of us pursuing our WAS's - PP). You can learn to replace that thinking with more creative thinking. You can learn to clean out everything that muddies your perception and stops you from seeing the infinite possibilities of life. You can invent someone amazing if you want to."

Good night US DB'ers. Tomorrow's a brand new day, one in which we all get to reinvent ourselves.

PP

[Fogg]

Next year is going to be another interesting one. I'm considering selling most of my stuff (I don't have much any more), packing up my car and driving across country to get material for the book.

Was thinking about this yesterday when reading your letters, how will this work with whatever agreement you two figure out with Woofie? I suppose it would mostly depend on how long you would be traveling.

"You can experience first-hand the wisdom of Ghandi's advice to "be the change you wish to see in others." You can learn to notice when you are trying to get happiness for yourself by changing others (this sounds like those of us pursuing our WAS's - PP). You can learn to replace that thinking with more creative thinking. You can learn to clean out everything that muddies your perception and stops you from seeing the infinite possibilities of life. You can invent someone amazing if you want to."

Love it all. Your doing great also and just wanted to stop in and offer support, keep doing what your doing.