You are doing great Cali, a true inspiration to many of us here
I have a question. In talking about your prior M and SSM, a few times you have mentioned that you were "lead to believe sex was not an option" because of health issues with W. Did she flat out say no to sex, did she tell you that because of her health she could not? Or is it what you assumed? You know, that old mind reading thing?
Hoping to put a different view on that to help because I know it really bothers you. Just wondering because I was bad at giving my H my signals and he has told me I never wanted sex, which was not true.
M.. I feel like calling you sis for some strange reason...lol. I will fill you in with the bigger picture.... heck I have already streaked nekkid through this Quad no sense about being shy skinny dipping now.
So the SSM thing. Younger was not an issue, but we dated for about 10 years prior to being married and sex tapered off along with the newness as like with anything, I still think it was normal though I always had the higher drive, and it was a concern when we married (W told me that Catholic guilt was in play and she felt once we were married it would be gone ... never really happened ... I learned this is called Disillusionment ... see I take notes)
We got Pregnant in 05, miscarried and as soon as we had the green light preggo again in 06 and S was born in 07. After all this things were just not 'right'. The sex we did have was uncomfortable for her. I was not sure if it was the miscarriage, or S's emergency C-section and it was all psychological ... or if it was in fact physical. She went through several doctors and was one diagnosis for this .. and another for that. Went through this for 3-4 years ... sex was there but was not good, and knowing it caused her pain things started gradually going south.
2011 she went holistic, this seemed to start helping, very strict diet and this Dr seemed to have a bead on what was going on ... MLC at this point was about a year in from what I can tell ... and the withdraws from medications kicked things into gear. Sex was now painful for her, so I stopped even trying to bring it up ... and I became very frustrated rather than supportive. Looking back I would like to have a mulligan here.
As it sits now ... she has shared (yeah .. another tough one to hear) that things have to be just right as her body reacts very badly .. say if I have any yeast ... beer.. mushrooms in my system her body responds ... almost like its a Ph Balance thing. .. OM ate clean (Being a physical Trainer) so this was not as much of an issue I guess but even then she would have flare ups .... and now add in the STD and all that brings .... hence some of my anxiety on facing all this.
She does really seem to want to find a solution, but looking at it all I am not sure if there is really a one size fits answer. As Wonka pointed out... and its making more sense.. I think she is throwing these roadblocks up (not taking away from them .. but I am curious if its not just a detour for the moment) because she is just not ready ... sex with OM was one thing ... with me its another. Learning OM was with at the least 3 women during the A tells me W was not all over the sex-map with him either ... not that it helps .. but for some reason it does take a bit of the sting out of it.
