Lately I have been feeling a lot of anger at my MIL. She made very destructive parenting choices. She is no longer that woman and I respect her for that but the damage she did is rearing its ugly head in my life now. It always hurt H but now finally he is really understanding it all. I struggle with her on two fronts: what she did to my H and just what she did to her own child. Now everytime I think of her I think of MLC and so she impacts me there too. We've always gotten along. She is a good MIL to me and a good grandmother to my kids but everytime I think of her now all I see is what did she did in the past and my H's MLC.
Anyway, when H talks about it all, is there anything more beneficial I can do besides listening and validating? I know it is his situation to work through but he is more frequently talking to me about how it all impacted him. Are there other tools in the chest for these kinds of validation situations? H will not go to IC so don't bother recommending it.
One welcome bit is H is continuing to step up more and more and more as a parent; and in his old patient way. Even if this is only temporary, I am thankful for the break! It has been hard holding up this house of cards. H steps in and takes over in certain situations. I validate and it's easy because I mean it.
H is also steadily doing nice stuff for me. Yesterday after I did something for one of the kids he told me I am a good mother and kissed me. I want to search this forum and see if he is posting, too. Maybe Job is helping us both unbeknownst to either of us. Ha ha.
Last bit of news H has planned trip with longtime friend he lost touch with in MLC. He has not gone out with new MLC "friends" in almost 6 months; I just realized. This "old" friend is married, makes good decisions AND is a good guy who has H's back!
I know, keep expectations at zero, but I can't help think: he is starting to bridge his way back to people!!! Tried to play it cool when he told me, not be too enthusiastic but mentally I did do a dance.
Me 41, H 47, M 15 yrs, S11, S13 BD 1: 11/4/14 we work on it; really I pretzel myself BD 2: 3/31/15 H goes down to "dorm room" 8/15: H back to MBR 10/15: H back in dorm room 1/18: H files, now divorced
