Why as this been so hard? Do you want me to be honest? If so, here's my take:
Because you have been afraid to move forward, you have been kicking and screaming all the way to court to end your marriage and you procrastinate, hence things pile up and then you become overwhelmed with everything that has to be done in a very short time period because of this.
Heather, life is has hard as you make it. You have to find a way to change how you deal w/things. I know it's difficult to change the way you look at things that come your way, but until you start taking care of things, one by one, as they come into your sights, you will continue to have things pile up and then you become overwhelmed and then you panic thinking that everything has to be taken care of at the 11th hour. When sometime comes into your view, deal w/it and then you don't have to think about it again.
I think that when you learn to deal w/things head on and not allowing them to pile up, your life will get easier and you can finally breathe and live your life in a normal fashion.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
